This post may be hilarious or it could be that I'm just short on oxygen from laughing so much that I couldn't breath.
Earlier I put Miloh to bed just as I normally do. Plopped him on his floor bed and lied on the floor next to him with my hand on his back. 4 out of 4.5 times that I do this I fall asleep next to him...and that did happen but that's not the story.
We give Miloh a pacifier when he goes to sleep. It's really the only time he needs one and it's great because it's a cue for him to go to bed, or when he grabs it for us to know he's sleepy.
But he's fickle and often likes a couple—of identical—pacifiers to choose from and/or switch throughout the night.
Now if you remember from an older post he sometimes puts one of the pacifiers in my mouth, you know because I have a hard time sleeping without one.
Today he only had one.
Well there I am lying next to him when he shoves his hand in my mouth...then he scrapped my mouth with his nails and grabbed my teeth and wiggled my head. So I spit out his hand.
He wouldn't have it...he shoved his thumb in my mouth and wiggled it. I kept it there for a few second and I spit it out. Then he put it back in...that's when I started laughing.
I realized he was giving me his thumb to suck for comfort because I had no pacifier. And that's when I started laughing...with a tiny thumb in my mouth...and silently because I din't want to wake him as he was so almost asleep.
He wouldn't let me take his thumb out—he just kept it in my mouth and wiggle it—until he rolled.
And since I was then unable to sleep because I had no pacifier or thumb he tried to get the thumb back in my mouth...but he missed...and now his thumb was in my nose...but just a bit.
And that's when he shoved his thumb all the way up my nose...and I was still laughing...I had been this whole time...I could barely breath.
I either woke him a bit or he realized he didn't have the thumb in my mouth so he made a quick transfer.
Then he rolled.
I soon fell asleep on his floor like usual and without a pacifier or thumb.
When I first started this blog I did a post about our plans for MF. One of the things I planned on creating was a style guide for MF (we didn't know if he was a boy or girl at the time).
The style guide was going to have your basics; font (just because), color palette and then add some child specific things such as rules for clothes he/she would wear.
One of the big reasons for the clothes do/don't list is because we (mostly Staci but maybe by only a small margin...51%) weren't fans of the stupid sayings on clothes...mostly boys clothes. I realize I'm probably offending some who only have those kind of clothes for their kids...and that's cool if you do...and you know I could care less about offending folks.
If Staci had to pick the gender of our baby based on clothes it would definitely be a girl she wanted because she's bummed at how every store you go into is about 80% clothes for girls.
To make things worse all the boys clothes have little saying on them; I'm Crabby, Bananas For Mommy, Dog Gone Cute, Nuts About Grandma and such. If you've been in a Carters store you've seen them all.
So Staci was adamant that Miloh wouldn't have the stupid saying shirts and onesies.
But we had to cave a little because the Carters PJs are cute, cheap and comfy (we think) so we got some that said "I'm in Charge" (animals including a rhino), "Snugglesaurus" (dinos) and a harmless "I'm too cute" duck.
Those were gateway clothes.
MF looked so cute in them and they still seemed comfy so we bought them in the next size up.
Then one day something happened.
Staci came home with some PJs for him that were grey and blue stripes and said "Dog Gone Cute" and to make matters worse there was a dog face on his butt (stop looking at my kid's ass).
She was so excited about putting them on him and giggled like a child when they were on...then she looked at me and said "Well, he is Dog Gone Cute."
|This would actually show the saying if he would've sat still.|
But if the "I'm in Charge" PJs were the marijuana of boys clothes the "Dog Gone Cute" was the cocaine of clothes...and Staci soon became addicted to the crack of clothing. My wife had changed...no longer the woman I married. She was became a slogan addict.
I guess I became and enabler...
One weekend soon after we established MF was "Dog Gone Cute" we learned that he was in fact "Bananas for Mommy" that he wants to go bananas (we know this because one says "Let's Go Bananas"...he uses that expression a lot) and that he's "Nuts for Daddy."
We saw a "King of the Crib" PJ set but opted to wait until "King of the Floorbed" was back in stock.
And these are now Staci's favorite clothes for him...if you asked her she'd probably still not be a fan of the "I'm Crabby" kind of shirts because they are negative stereotypes. But look for an update to this post in a few months...because I wouldn't be surprised if one of those sneaks it's way in MFs closet.
Coming off my last wisdom post I thought I'd take on English. It's a silly hard to understand language with all the idioms and double meanings of things. Although that's what also makes it great. However there are a couple things to look out for.
Wisdom for Miloh: Questions are often statements.
You'll see this a lot in the work world...people often want to state their opinion but at the last minute decided to be nice so the statement ends up like a question. "What if we threw Turkeys out of a helicopter?" means "We should throw turkeys out of a helicopter." which actually means "We're going to throw turkeys out of a helicopter."
Its subtle but it's something to look out for.
Women use this question as statement often. "Do you think we should paint the living room?" means "I got some paint sample and cleared your calendar for Saturday so you can paint the living room."
There is also "Is that what you're wearing?" That means you should change your outfit...however you should always answer that question with a "Yes" and continue to get ready.
I could probably think of more things here but I think you get the point and I'm kinda sick so the brain isn't working at it's best.
Bonus wisdom for Miloh: Maybe pretty much always means no.
I don't often quote lyrics (or maybe I do) but these from Jack Johnson's Flake are so true. This one goes true for men and women. I'm sure there has been a time were it meant yes but I can't think of any off hand.
Staci: "Do you want to go to a beach for winter break?" Me: "Maybe"
What was actually said there is "We should go to a beach for winter break." "No." And you will thank me for this later when we spend that time snowboarding every year...I suppose it would be ok-ish to spend it surfing and snorkeling...but I'd need to learn to surf and why waste the winter time? Right?
Ladies and gentlemen...Les Nessman:
WKRP Turkey Drop
and a bonus...Jack Johnson with Ben Harper
Wisdom for Miloh: You don't need math.
The teachers will say you need math...that's a lie.
First, you have a computer and probably some crazy smart phone that I can't even phathom right now.
Second you have an aunt who teaches statistics. Use that smart phone and call her up to get answers to any math question you have...I do.
So skip your math classes and go to recess...go on the merry-go-round thingy. There's a little math involved there with centrifugall force and such but it's more physics, which might have a bit of math...but nothing a computer can't do.
Instead of doing math homework in the winter we'll go snowboarding. Same thing with math and physics there...same thing with a computer being able to do it. I suppose you can rationalize that you need math to figure out your rotations but that's easy and you probably only need to figure out rotations up to 1270s...I'm guessing they will progress past the 1080 by the time you board.
When you need to get out of math in college let me know. I did by writing a paper on why photography is math. Sure I had to take an extra photo class for the credits, but I took way too many anyway.
With the merry-go-round, snowboarding and photo reference you'd probably think that you do need math. You don't.
I'm not sure why, but early on we decided that we wanted Miloh to know how to speak and read. Therefore decided to read to him. I know it's weird but we're just like that.
It's a simple 7 spread book with art words like Moma, Dada, Van Gogh and such.
I was an art major so I got stuck on a few of the spreads. Sure Van Gogh is in his style as Dali is in his and such.
But cubism is just blocks stacked up, in more of a pop style if anything. Plus why is MoMA in there? It's not a style.
That's when I hated the book.
But after reading it a few times I got it.
MoMA is a pic of a kid with his mom. Dada is a dad. Dali a doll and Cubism was blocks. I'm sure Miloh got it at his young age and I was a bit of a fool.
The art major in me then loved the irreverence of it...because art should be fun and not untouchable. Now it's one of my favorite books to read to Miloh...although it's a bit short.
So check it out...and wait for some upcoming book reports where I rip the books to shreds.
|October 29 - November 4|
Colors based on the spring 2011 color trends for men's fashion...because Miloh is planning ahead.
Wisdom for Miloh: don't carry things you could have let go.
I learned a lot in college but I retained very little that actually matters. That's the thing about college...you learn a ton of crap you won't really need just because you have to get requirements in several areas of study.
One of the nuggets of information I retained, and think about a lot...I mean a lot...I've probably bored your mom with the story...it's a story of two monks.
I found this version here...it's the closest to how I heard it.
Two Buddhist Monks were on a journey, one was a senior monk, the other a junior monk. During their journey they approached a raging river and on the river bank stood a young lady. She was clearly concerned about how she would get to the other side of the river without drowning.
The junior monk walked straight past her without giving it a thought and he crossed the river. The senior monk picked up the woman and carried her across the river. He placed her down, they parted ways with woman and on they went with the journey.
As the journey went on, the senior monk could see some concern on the junior monk's mind, he asked what was wrong. The junior monk replied, "how could you carry her like that? You know we can't touch women, it's against our way of life". The senior monk answered, "I left the woman at the rivers edge a long way back, why are you still carrying her?"
The story is simple. The senior monk broke the rules he lives by for good. He knew it was the right thing so he did it and it was over, he didn't think of it again.
The young monk on the other hand kept his anger and frustration of not only something that another person did, but something that was in the past. Something that couldn't be changed.
I love the older monk's comment about why the younger one is still carrying the woman...monks are so cool with language.
It's not about forgetting the past, it's about acknowledging it and learning from it and letting it guide your future actions.
And the moral is mothers should never say "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed." At least I think that's what it is.
In my last post I wrote about how what I thought would be a love of handing out candy to trick-or-treaters was squashed the second I realized it involved talking to kids I don't know.
I thought I'd recall a couple events from yesterday to show how my wife rocks at trick-or-treat and how 8 can use some work.
We were at some friend's house when kids came by wanting some goodies. Staci answered the door and saw a kid dressed as Waldo and said something like. "Oh, there you are. I've been looking for Waldo for a long time and now you're right in front of me."
She said it in a different way but she was on.
Here was my one interaction with a kid...we got home later so trick-or-treating was ending.
I took our dog to pee while Staci put Miloh to sleep. There was a kid with her mom outside. As she got in front of my house I said, "I can give you candy if you don't ring the door bell. My kid's asleep." Pretty elegant don't you think...and it keeps all the magic of the holiday.
Then when I got inside I ripped open the bag of candy and gave some to the girl. She asked if I knew what she was dressed as.
She had a pink costume, semi plush and padded, with sparkles on it. I guessed princess...I wasn't sure why it was padded but I thought I had a 50/50 shot with that.
I was wrong. That's when I noticed the gloves hanging from her hands...I guessed dinosaur. She looked at me like I was a fool. Her mom told her to show me her hood. She turned around and there was a horn. She said "I'm a unicorn silly."
I said goodbye, closed the door and said, "read my freaking blog kid." And that's why I don't like dealing with trick-or-treaters.
P.S. I was dosed with cheese. At said friends house I took a piece of what appeared to be a bread with onion or garlic baked in. Apparently it was garlic and cheese. I noticed on the first bite and spit it out in my mouth...because I'm classy like that.
I survived both incidents but I'm scared by the horror of the night.