And Then I Did A Second Vlog

By kenny friedman on Thursday, July 28, 2011

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I did my first and so far only vlog last year when Miloh was three months old... Actually in reality I've never done a vlog but Miloh has.


Now he's back for his second one. We wanted to film him saying he was a big boy and not a baby as he says it a lot. But he had his own ideas...



Best Laid Plans Revisited... Revisited

By kenny friedman on Tuesday, July 26, 2011

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Before Miloh was born I compiled a list of things that we planned on doing as far as raising him. I revisited it a bit over a year ago... And since I yet again feel like being lazy I thought I'd revisit and do an update. I'm so lazy that two-thirds of this will be totally lifted from that last revisit... I didn't even read it. Seriously. 

Cloth diapers, what we said: for me it's environmental reasons for Staci it's that and it helps for potty training. (FYI I hate the word potty.)

Cloth diapers, what we were doing a bit over two months in: we've been using regular diapers for now because his butt is freaking tiny and his poo is disgusting. Once he grows a bit and the poo is solid we plan on going cloth. Maybe at about 6 months.

Cloth diapers, what we did or are doing: we did use clothe for about a bit less than a year. But it was on and off as he got rashes. We're still doing cloth but only at night. When in school he pretty much wears those super padded underwear and goes through four a day. At home we have them on sometimes but go to regular diapers often. (Still really hate the word "potty".)


A floor bed, what we said: floor bed instead of cribs are popular in the Montessori community and we plan on following some Montessori stuff since Staci is a teacher.

A floor bed, what we were doing a bit over two months in: he's in his floor bed. We put him in there when he was a couple weeks old. He digs it but it was a little nerve racking at first...especially because he rolled over early.

A floor bed, what we did or are doing: Miloh's no longer in a floor bed. The bed was totally working but we noticed he liked the cots they had at school. So at a tiny one-year of sixteen months he got his semi-big boy bed. It's a basically a tiny bed frame about three inches off the ground. He's able to get on and off as he wishes so in my mind it's the same as a floor bed. 


We want to make our own baby food, what we said: it sounds like a good idea because we'll know what's in it and it seems easy.

We want to make our own baby food, what we were doing a bit over two months in: Still plan on doing this.

We want to make our own baby food, what we did or are doing: Yeah... We made food maybe three times. It was a bit of a pain. Plus he didn't really like baby food. So quickly he went to real people food or at least smashed up real people food. I'm glad we never bought a baby food maker.



The baby will be vegetarian, what we said: I have been vegetarian since I was about 14 and Staci was for a bit before the pregnancy.

Miloh will be vegetarian, what we were doing a bit over two months in: We're still planning this...Staci still eats some meat but very little...my thought is once he's older and out with friends he can do whatever he wants. Until then no meat.

Miloh will be vegetarian, what we did or are doing: He's eating meat. I started to write a little post on this and should finish it. The gist is he was a bit low on iron. Meat was the best way for him to get it based on his eating habits. So we are planning on letting him eat meat until he's about 4 or 5. Then when he's eating the stuff he needs we'll switch it out. When I asked which of the Bacon vs. Tofu figures he liked best he sadly chose bacon... Even though he's never had it. I will say he eats the cleanest most expensive meat they sell... Yeah.


The dog will not be ignored, what we said: everyone says it happens.

The dog will not be ignored, what we were doing a bit over two months in: Kalli has actually been upgraded...we're more lenient with her being on our bed and she's really taken to being an older sister.

The dog will not be ignored, what we did or are doing: She's totally ignored. Well not really but she gets less trips to the park. Although those always taper off in the summer and ramp up in the fall due to my hatred of heat. But as an update to an older post Miloh and Kalli are doing so much better. It's like they turned a 179 (almost a 180).



Date night, what we said: after about 6 months we'll make Saturdays date nights...no kid.

Date night, what we were doing a bit over two months in: I was wrong on the timing...it was supposed to be after 6 weeks. We have done a date night about twice a month and Miloh tags along to restaurants and such with us and friends so we are getting out, and that was the point.

Date night, what we did or are doing: These tapered off a bit too. But we plan on ramping them up. It's not that we don't get out it's that we usually have him in toe (tow) or are with friends with kids so he's there.


Free time, what we said: after about 6 months we each get a free night: I.E. I will watch the baby every Wednesday so Staci can go out or rest...then we'll switch it up on Thursday or whatever.

Free time, what we were doing a bit over two months in: I was wrong here too. It was supposed to be 2 months. It's not really happening because we don't want to be away from him. It was especially hard for me because I was working all day while Staci was at home...so I really wanted to monopolize his time. Now Staci is back to work so it will be hard for her to be away from him.

We do both get out when we need to.

Free time, what we did or are doing: We still get out but Staci probably gets out more than me as I have no friends... Well I have some but few and she's got a lot. But we both get time to do the things we need so it works out. However I think we should reinstate a good schedule and I should find something to do.


No commercial characters, what we said: Dora, Teletubbies, Disney Princess etc...they are kind of evil. We'll allow non-commercial stuff like Ugly Doll or things from my friend Jesse LeDoux (awesome illustrator)

No commercial characters, what we were doing a bit over two months in: Still no licensed characters.

No commercial characters, what we did or are doing: He's got one commercial character stuffed animal. It's a cool vintage looking Cat In The Hat. He doesn't watch many characters on TV. We pretty much limit it to a tiny bit of Sesame St (very commercial... I know), Kipper and Imax fish movies. He loves Kipper and fish, but not the fish kippers because those are nasty smelling.


No classic Pooh stuff, what we said: I didn't include this in the characters because I like that stuff... Staci doesn't.

No classic Pooh stuff, what we were doing a bit over two months in: no pooh (lot's a poo though... But that is unrelated)

No classic Pooh stuff,  what we did or are doing: Still no Winnie the Pooh... But he does love Winnie though. When he saw him for the first time at Disney World he was super happy and he tackled a Winnie the Pooh last weekend.


Style Guide, what I said: I've made many for clients so why not make one for the baby? I love my family, Staci's family and our friends etc. but we all have different styles. The style guide will include room and bedding colors, info on what we don't like as far as clothes and stuff about toys...the Montessori community is not a fan of plastic toys. Some people, including Staci think the style guide is kind of a dick move...but I think it's funny.

Style Guide, what we were doing a bit over two months in: Well that didn't happen. I started it but my Mac crashed and then I never got back to getting around to it...but I'm doing the infographics so that's keeping my baby/design mind happy.

Style Guide, what we did or are doing: I actually realized I did one back in November 2009. I found the file but I think I forgot about it because I wanted to redo it. I should do one now since he's got his own personality...


Conclusion (two months in): So far we're pretty much doing what we said...diapers got pushed back a bit but all in all I think our plan was good. I'll check back into this in a few months when he starts eating.

Conclusion (now): Shit happens. Things change... But we're not super far off track from what we were thinking. And most importantly Miloh is happy and we're happy.



EIEIO

By kenny friedman on Sunday, July 24, 2011

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I was going to write a post for today but we spent the weekend on a farm and friends, fun, family and driving all equal no post. To prove that we were on a farm here's a photo... You can see the pigmy goats in the background. Little known fact that the sound that goats make is "Maaaaaaatt". Don't believe me? Ask Miloh. He's good with his animal sounds now.

Not goats.



A post about a post

By kenny friedman on Friday, July 22, 2011

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I mentioned this in my last post but I wanted to mention again. In a couple weeks I'll be guest posting over at The Paper Mama. But I need you help.

I'll be answering questions folks might have of me. It could be anything. About being a parent. About floor beds. About me hating cheese. About what separates a great French fry from a good French fry. Maybe something you wanted to ask her but didn't since I try to be as unsocial as I can through my social media outlets.

So head over there and leave a comment in the post and I will probably answer.

And if you've read this far I figure I'd give you a gift from the past. Here's a post from a year and a month ago. I meant to pick one from a year ago but accidentally scanned the June archives... But this was better because it has an embarrassing video of me signing like an ass. Enjoy.



Picasso vs. Pee

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, July 20, 2011

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After you dive into the greatness of this post please go to The Paper Mama blog. Chelsey asked me to once again break the gender barrier and be the first dad in her Get To Know A Mama feature. Although it's hi-jacked to become Get To Know A Dad.

You can leave comments to ask me questions that I'll answer on her blog in the very near future. You can ask things like: "Are you really as awesome in real life as you seem on your blog?", "Why do people still eat microwave popcorn?", "How did you get over being dumped at the Jefferson Memorial when you were 12?" or perhaps more relevant things.

So check it and thanks Chelsey



Last week, July 10th to be exact,  when I was hanging with Miloh he ran to the bathroom. I thought he wanted to go onto the potty (hate that word). While it's early, we started toilet training because they do it in his school and he kind of digs it. He's peed a couple times, once when I was around. Staci celebrated and clapped. I joined along but knew that if I had peed all over the toilet seat she wouldn't be as happy.

But this post isn't about that...

On the way to the toilet he stopped short and went to the drawer where Staci hid some paint from him. They painted a small canvas for a Father's Day present for me.

Miloh knew the paint was there but didn't mind it.

This day was different. He grabbed the three plastic strips of poster paints and looked at me with those big eyes.

I grabbed one of my super expensive, no longer used, art school brushes took him up to his new art table. He pointed at the blue so I opened it up... Then he knew what to do.


He'd point to a new color and I'd wash the brush and open the new color.

When I was a kid my favorite presents were Crayola crayon, marker and paint sets. So it was kind of cool doing my first art project with him.


I wanted to get in his head while he was painting. I'm fascinated by what he thinks so I'd love to know what was intentionally set down and what is random scribbles... Then I asked him and he answered what he was thinking. So here is his Artist Statement.




Untitled by Miloh Friedman.

Artist Statement:
I wanted to create a piece that spoke to the both the uncertainty in the world today while celebrating the joy of new beginnings.

The country's debt and politics are weighing heavily on the American people. While the folks of Southern Sudan are finally able to celebrate stability. Change and uncertainty can be scary but it can also be exciting.

I tried to capture all those emotions and share with the viewer. But I chose to work in an abstract gestural way so the viewer could see what they want and connect with the piece on their own terms.

I think that all comes through in the painting.



Come find me

By kenny friedman on Monday, July 18, 2011

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I was going to do a post for today but then Hilary from BabyMooHoo asked if I'd do a little guest post on her site.


So I thought I can save today's post and use it another time, which is perfect because I only have a finite amount of ideas which means this blog will be exactly one post longer since I'm not really posting today.

Although I suppose you can reason that I actually used an idea up for the guest post so really it all evens out.

Whatever.

Anyway go over there and check it out. I know I will as I forget what I wrote but know I liked it... So I'll need a refresher. 

P.S. thank you Hilary for asking me to hang out on your blog for the day. 



Bubbles: Fun Activity or Extreme Cruelty?

By kenny friedman on Friday, July 15, 2011

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Kids love bubbles. That's a fact. But I think they could be the cruelest thing ever for super young kids.

Bubbles are super cool colorful and transparent floating balls of goodness. And every kid wants to get their hands on them.

So they grab. And one of two things happen.

They can't reach the bubble and ge frustrated and sad. Or they're able to grab the bubble and the second they touch it... Poof it's gone.

Either way– disappointment.

No fear... There's always another bubble on it's way. And more hope followed by disappointment. And so on and so on.

At least that's how it could look to an observer... And I think that's how it would be if adults saw bubbles for the first time. We wouldn't have that same sense of wonder.

But kids are able to harness the power of wonder and get delighted by the bursting bubble in hopes that one day they'll catch one... And sometimes they do.

Miloh's not yet adept enough to grab one but he sure loves trying.



Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: Learn The Right Way To Eat A Banana

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, July 13, 2011

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Wisdom for Miloh: Learn how to eat a banana.

Most folks will tell you there is one way to eat a banana. They are wrong. There is a right way and a wrong way. And most people eat them the wrong way.

I have to admit I ate them the wrong way for probably about 30 years... Then I ran in to one of the most brilliant men I have ever met. Sorry, that's a lie... He's a copywriter and no brilliant person would put them self in that situation. But I know he just threw out his trademark JC (not Jesus Christ) smirk when reading that. And now he's saying "fucking Friedman."

Anyway JC (not Jesus Christ) told me I was eating a banana wrong one day. I was eating it like everyone I've ever seen ate it... But I hadn't seen the light.

You see professional banana eaters, some call them monkeys, eat them the opposite way that most humans do. They grab the stem and peel the top.

It makes more sense... It's easier to peel the "bottom" of a banana even though it's actually the top.

The stem part is tough so if you peel from there you bruise the banana.

Plus flipping the banana over, or in reality holding it the right way, gives you a nice little stem handle to hold onto. It makes life easier when you eat a banana the correct/monkey way.

He also said some BS about it tasting better if you eat it the right way but I'm not convinced of that.

So here's the deal. Ignore the way mommy gives you a banana. It's wrong. Eat them the way I give them to you. You're welcome.

And for those who want to know a bit more about the banana wars check out this Slate article.

Moral of the story: mommy's wrong and I'm right.



When Dinosaurs Go Bad

By kenny friedman on Sunday, July 10, 2011

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One of Miloh's favorite books is How Do Dinosaurs Eat Their Food?

If you've never read it then I'll give you a brief synopsis. The first half of the book is questions. Do dinosaurs stick beans up their nose or smash fruit in their toes? And things like that.

The second half is all about manners. It says no they don't do those things, they say please and thank you and have manners and all that.

When we read it to Miloh it's cute... Every time we ask one of the questions (like do dinosaurs throw down their cup hoping to make someone else pick it up?) he answers yes. Of course we don't want him doing those things but it's funny when he shakes his head, smiles and says yes.

And I'm not sure he really doesn't understand what he's saying yes to so we're good... Or not.

Lately he's been imitating the dinosaurs... So maybe his yes answers were real. I'm pretty sure I was underestimating him.

He's smashed potatoes into his toes.

One night he put his foot on the table, looked at us and smiled. We said to take it off and he did. Then he put it back three more times. On that third time he stuck his foot in the air, spread his toes and smiled a big super cute smile. Then with his big toe he tried to flip his plate over. The whole time he was smiling and he even did his trademark eyebrow lift as if to say "watch me."

We all laughed... How could you not. I mean it was funny. Completely inappropriate but funny.

And that wasn't the end of it. A few weeks later he stuffed a pea in his nose... Actually shoved a pea right up his nose and smiled.

Yeah he's a mess. Notice the pea in his nose. 
Needless to say the book is collecting dust right now until he can understand the first half is bad behavior and the second half is good behavior.

Moral of the story: When your kid has a pea in it's nose grab your camera fast, then clear the airway.



Things I never thought I'd say

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, July 06, 2011

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Part of the collateral damage of having children is stringing words together in a way that you never thought you would.

Here's some things I've said the last few weeks:

  • "What made you think pouring granola over your head was a good idea?"
  • During the diaper change that happened right after: "let me get that granola off your penis."
  • "Why are you smooshing a sweet potato into your knee?"
  • "You can put your balls on the table but don't let Kalli (our dog) eat them again." It was mozzarella.
  • "That's not the (female) dog's belly button."
  • "Don't tell mommy I taught you that." I forget what it was... 
  • "They cat doesn't want to take the aardvark for a ride."
  • "Why did you pee on my pillow?"
  • Followed by: "it's not funny."
  • Followed by: "it wasn't funny the first time, it's not funny this time."
  • "Tell your doggy to go potty." It's a wooden pull toy he takes out when I take out our dog.
  • "Putting your foot in your oatmeal was not an uh oh."
  • "The platypus says... Well I don't know what the platypus says."
  • "Look, I went poopy on the potty" Not my finest hour... Don't judge.
  • "Don't splash in Kalli's water." 
  • Followed by: "Why are you drinking water out of the carpet?"
  • "No, no, no. Love you. No." I forget what he was getting into. 

So what are the things you thought would never come out of your mouth? (That question is me being social in the social media space... How about that?)



I have that Larry David disease.

By kenny friedman on Tuesday, July 05, 2011

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I'm not sure what it's called but I have that Larry David disease. Or is it a disorder?

I have a knack for making situations uncomfortable with the sole purpose to humor me. I often can't turn it off but that's a given since it's a disease... Or disorder.

There are times at parties where Staci's sole job is to apologize to pre-warn people that I'm sarcastic, have no filter and bored. The ones she doesn't get to on time get an apology from her later.

I hate small talk. It's boring. So I push things to the edge of awkward... But the scientist in me thinks that I can't know where the edge of awkward is until I cross the line. Then I can say I was right.

Side note: It's like the time I was at Bingo and I was squeezing the dabber so hard that I knew if I squeezed anymore it would burst. There was only one way to find out if I was right. A tiny little squeeze. Let me tell you that that dabber ink can fly. I'd feel bad for getting it all over the coat of the woman near me but it was fur. I left without her noticing... So if she's reading this, 17 years after the fact, I'm sorry.

Awhile ago I thought of getting releases made up, like a model release, and have folks I talk to sign them. Actually I think this is a fantastically hilarious idea because it would freak people out. And so I'm now that I remember the idea I'm kind of compelled to have them made... They'd also include a goodbye because in party type situations I rarely say goodbye.

But what's the point you ask? Here's how the disease and/or disorder has been manifesting itself lately.

When I'm out with Miloh people always say he's cute. Because he is.

But when someone says "hi cutie" to him I reply "Hey there" in a way that makes them think that I  thought they were talking to me. Because I think it's funny. They think I think they were flirting... But I don't, especially when they bend down to see him. It's more funny when they say to Miloh "Aren't you a cutie" and I answer " Why yes I am." Once I even said " Oh, you mean him."

It kind of freaks people out. Especially when Staci and I are out shopping and the salesperson thinks I'm hitting on them . But really it's the stores fault. Put a Wii in your store and I won't be bored off my ass just looking for a way to entertain myself... And it's entertaining to me to fuck with people.

Moral of the story: If you're a salesperson and someone, who looks like me, does this please get me your discount. Thanks



The Great Water Class Swindle

By kenny friedman on Saturday, July 02, 2011

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Did you know when you Google "percentage of urine in an average swimming pool" there's no real good answer? We know. about the composition of rocks on Mars but we don't know how much pee is in an average pool. Seems to me like our priorities are a bit off.

I looked because of this post which is about me swimming in a pool with a bunch of kids. In other words I swam in a mix of 75% pee, 10% snot, 5% poo and 10% water. That's my unscientific guess.

We started Miloh in a swimming class. I wasn't looking forward to being in the pool. I don't like pools. I like lakes, rivers and oceans. Staci likes pools but not lakes because they are filthy... I'd rather swim in sludge than high concentrations of pee.

We were running late so I broke the cardinal rule of swimming pools. I didn't shower before getting in. I think this got some looks but here's the deal. I was clean and I don't see any need to shower before I swim in pee.

Then as I entered the pool of urine I noticed something that surprised me... All the adults in the class were men. I was not expecting this. I thought I would be the only one. So I looked at the class next to me... All men except for one.

We all got swindled. This is how I think it happened "Honey it's Father's day weekend. How great would it be if you spend time with (kid's name) on the first day of class?" But what the women were really thinking was "No way I'm getting in a swimsuit until I check out the other women in the class first. "
Miloh wasn't loving the first class... He held onto me the whole time digging his fingers in tighter than he has ever before. And he cried a fair amount. But he liked pointing to the fish on murals at the place.

The next week the numbers of men dwindled. It was me and one other guy. I was expecting all men that week too because I thought wives would say "It was all guys last week, maybe you should go this week." Had I bet I would have bet a lot of cash... I would have lost.

Second week went better for Miloh. He didn't cry, he splashed a lot and he even voluntarily put his head underwater and blew bubbles... No one even showed him how.

Back to the amount of pee in a pool. I did find one answer on Yahoo Answers, but based on a survey I found his number are off... He guessed too much pee.

According to a survey 17% of people pee in the pool. Here's the deal with surveys... People lie to make them look better... So I would adjust that number to 25%. Since you all know I love infographics you can check some out about the prevalence of pee in pools based on that number... And don't be surprised if I pop out a pee infographic soon.

And last know that according to South Park the acceptable level of Pee in a waterpark is 83%. If you plan on going to one this summer please call and ask the acceptable pee level of that park. Then leave a comment telling me how that call went.

Moral of the story: Pools are filled with pee and people who didn't shower before going in. Enjoy your summer activities.





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