A is for Asshole –or– I Don't Care That Your Kid Can Say The Alphabet

By kenny friedman on Sunday, April 29, 2012

comments (1)

Filed Under:

It seems like a lot of parents of toddlers biggest pride is their kid can recite the ABCs... They strut out like a trained seal and say "Say your alphabet."

I've been accosted by these alphabet spewing kids too many times to count... And it's freaking annoying. I feel like they're trying yo impress me... I feel like I should reach into my pocket and throw some spare change in the kid's hat... Too bad none threw one down before hand.

It means absolutely nothing. It's memorization. It's a song. A mnemonic but really it's a completely... Not like counting.

But I think parents feel that because their kid can say their alphabet that they are changing the diapers of the next Einstein.

This post isn't just about me bitching... Although I felt I had to throw that in so you all can spare the world of having to hear it...

It's about the other morning when MF was playing with his magnet letters... He knows a fair amount of them and Staci was working on the sounds...

B, Buh, Button.

L, Lllll, Lemon.

At some point she got to A, ah. And that's when I said "Asshole". I couldn't not. I was probably wrong but it felt so right.

That's when MF said "No daddy, A, apple. Not asshole."

He schooled me again.

Sidenote: this post was supposed to go up last week but I didn't hit publish... I didn't really know if MF knew his ABCs as a mnemonic because we don't practice it with him (maybe we're terrible parents). But this weekend he asked me to sing it and he sang along...

Next he asked me to sing the jumping song and then said it goes like this... And he proceeded to jump and then tuck and roll on the landing... No words (although apparently it has some)... The jumping impressed me.



I was going to write something else but this takes precedence.

By kenny friedman on Monday, April 16, 2012

comments (2)

Filed Under:



We went looking for bikes yesterday... His legs are so super tiny that even most balance bikes are too small... Luckily if he grows about an inche he'll be able to ride the smallest Novara kid's bike...

But he was a bit bummed that he couldn't buy a bike... And so was I... And this crappy little skateboard was only $18 (in reality I'd never buy a regular board or bike from anywhere than a board or bike store. Toy and Big box store gear sucks).

We took it home...

He's still too young for this, can't balance while kicking and doesn't get the idea of kicking... But damn he loves it... It was his chair at the snack table this morning...



Freaking High School Kids

By kenny friedman on Monday, April 09, 2012

comments (1)

Filed Under:

Since I can't get to sleep until it's quite late I find myself watching movies at night since post-prime time television kind of sucks... I should also mention that late used to mean 2 or 3 in the AM but now with the kid and my age it means midnight...

And I should mention that midnight is 12:00 which means it's actually morning... People always say things like "I need that by midnight tonight". There are two things wrong with that... People don't often say that and midnight would have already passed.

That being said an unnamed online streaming company keeps me entertained... Unnamed because they kind fo suck now that they spun off their DVD service and that they are now less concerned with streaming movies than TV shows even though 'flix' is in the name of the company.

Any how I find myself watching a lot of documentaries because real life is often more entertaining and less believable than scripts.

That's how I found myself watching a movie called FrontRunners... It's a documentary of an election for a high school council in an incredibly prestigious school in NYC... A school that only the kids who perform in the top of standardized tests get into.

And I was appalled.

These kids are supposedly smart and their political campaigns sucked. They had no marketing skills. They had horrible pamphlets they would hand out. Poorly produced signs. Laughable tactics. Bad music spouting from tiny boom boxes.

It was a sad display.

I have no idea if MF will ever run for class president... But if he does he'll surely have some kick ass marketing. I won't do it for him but I'll provide direction, show him some good inspiration and lend my thoughts on what he creates. He won't have some crappy photo thrown on to some craptastic 8.5x11" piece of paper and stand in some corridor with some crap music while looking like a goofball... Miloh, you're welcome.



Killing It With A Joke

By kenny friedman on Monday, April 02, 2012

comments (4)

Filed Under:

I'm killing the blog... Kind of...

It all comes down to time and energy really... And while I love writing on this blog I don't feel that I have the time to write really good stuff anymore... And there are a shit load of sites out there with really crappy stuff on them and I don't want to add to the noise...

On a side note I find it odd that some of those sites with crappy stuff are quite popular... But I suppose one dog's crap is another dog's meal. I learned this lesson this morning as my dog was chomping on another dog's poo while leaving a little gift of her own on the lawn. The circle of life.

And I'm not totally killing it... I'll try to write one post a week and post it on Monday but if I have nothing good to say I won't post.

I have a few good posts in my head already so I know this isn't the last.

And I promised a joke so here it goes... kind of... It's the first joke MF told.

The setup: Staci was reading MF a book called Switching on the Moon that has short bedtime poems in it.

One of the poems says: "Goodnight, Tigger. Goodnight, Pooh." So MF looks over at Staci and says "Tiger poop." I should add here that for months he called Winnie the Pooh – Winnie the Kalli's Poop... Kalli is our dog.

Then he looked at me and said "tiger poop" and he laughed... And it was fucking hilarious so I laughed. So he said the punchline again "Tiger poop" while getting in Staci's face... And she laughed. Again he said it and we laughed...

Then MF said "squirrel poop" and we laughed some more... And then Staci kept reading.

"Goodnight, Ice Cream"... "Ice Cream poop." And I lost it... I laughed so hard that MF thought I was crying... And he asked me what was wrong... It's hard to explain to a kid that you're laughing so hard you're crying...

The poem was over and he got ready to sleep... Then he said "tiger poop."





baby getty