November 9, 2013

Took awhile... Here's an infographic of MF's first year

I finished this about a year ago just for my personal use but thought I'd share it. It's a visualization of MF's first year in numbers. Diapers (with and without poo), bottles and photos taken are the lines in the background. The markers are milestones. The ones on the top are regular milestones you'd see on a chart and the ones on the bottom are things he did that were firsts. Hint... Use the toggle full page at the lower right of the image... I'm not sure why zoom.it is making it all bitmappy but it's pretty readable. Once I find something better to show this I'll update the image. I'll also be adding to this. I have a lot more I can put on it but I'm not sure when I'll get to it... Check back in 15 years.

April 13, 2013

Dear Scott the Paleontologist – the response... Wait sorry... the awesome response

In my last post I asked some incredibly pressing questions to Dr. Scott Sampson aka Scott the Paleontologist. Questions that any parent of a Dinosaur Train fan wants to know...

I got a reply and I have to say Dr. Scott is hilarious and pretty awesome... But I'm a fan of science humor...

So here are his responses in line with mine. They're in blue because that's the color of most of  Shiny Pteranodon.



Dear Scott the Paleontologist,

My son Miloh and I are fans of Dinosaur Train and as an avid fan I have some questions regarding it that I hope you can answer:

The train is a steam engine. Does it run off coal? If it does use coal is there a possibility that greenhouse gases from that could have lead to the extinction of dinosaurs? How come this isn't a theory?

Very interesting question. Yes, to the best of my knowledge, the Dinosaur Train runs on fossil fuels, but we actually do have an episode upcoming where we investigate alternative fuel trains. Given that the latter occurred prior to the end of the Mesozoic Era, we can conclusively say that the Train did not lead to the dinosaur extinction.

If you want to explore that theory more let me know and we can co-author a paper.

Will we ever meet Shiny's real father? I mean c'mon she's blue. Mr. Pteranodon is not here dad... In fact, I have a hypothesis (an idea you can test). I think Mrs. Pteranodon kept Buddy's egg in the nest so any time Mr. brings up Shiny's real dad she can change the subject by saying something like "did we ever figure out how Buddy's egg got in the nest?"

Interesting hypothesis (you know, an idea you can test), but I think there are sufficient morphological features (long beak, crest, elongate leathery wings, etc.) to show that Shiny is in fact a Pteranodon. But hey, I could be wrong.

Is there any behind the scenes footage in which after meeting a dino Buddy pretends to forget something and goes back to the dino and eats it?

No.

That "point of fact" guy said dinosaurs didn't create art from gourds. Is that really a fact? I mean can he prove no deinonychus made gourd art?

Point taken. To the best of our knowledge . . . .

Is it appropriate for Tiny to be singing about her "tiny place"?

No comment.

I'm guessing diggers have found evidence of the train, as well as the documentary footage used in the show, but has anyone been able to figure out the technology of time travel that they used? Is that what's in Area 51? If you told me would you have to kill me? If the answer to the last question is yes I prefer not to know.

Given your last request, it's best I simply don't answer this one.

What was more upsetting to you? When you learned that dinosaurs and people didn't live at the same time ( like on the Flintstones)? Or when you found out Brontosauruses (Brontosaurii?) were fake? Either way it proves the Flintstones were a lie and it's sad either way.

For me it was the Brontosaurus thing...

I was inspired to learn that dinosaurs and people didn't live at the same time (makes them all the more mysterious; Flintstones be damned). But yes, as with you, the loss of Brontosaurus was blow.

I think that's it... I really do love the show. My son does too... If you discover a new dinosaur feel free to name it after him. Milohsaurus would be ok but we'd prefer MFosaurus or Emeffosaurus.

Thanks... Kenny



So we've learned that Dr. Scott is pretty funny and a good guy. We also learned that there's some really interesting things going on in connection to Area 51 and the dinosaur train.

He ended the response by telling Miloh that he sends a GIANT hello... I did this and then took it further... Now any time we need him to do something, like neb, we tell him Dr. Scott does it. For instance Dr. Scott got so tall because he nebbed (no idea if he did).

Or don't cry if you're train breaks you can put it together like Dr. Scott puts together dinosaurs...

Or did you know Dr. Scott doesn't take his dog for a walk when it snows? Why don't you just watch me while I go out.

That could be breaking doctor/patient privilege but I guess that's ok since he's not that kind of doctor and I'm not his patient.

March 22, 2013

Dear Scott the Paleontologist.

Dear Scott the Paleontologist,

My son Miloh and I are fans of Dinosaur Train and as an avid fan I have some questions regarding it that I hope you can answer:

The train is a steam engine. Does it run off coal? If it does use coal is there a possibility that greenhouse gases from that could have lead to the extinction of dinosaurs? How come this isn't a theory?


If you want to explore that theory more let me know and we can co-author a paper.


Will we ever meet Shiny's real father? I mean c'mon she's blue. Mr. Pteranodon is not here dad... In fact, I have a hypothesis (an idea you can test). I think Mrs. Pteranodon kept Buddy's egg in the nest so any time Mr. brings up Shiny's real dad she can change the subject by saying something like "did we ever figure out how Buddy's egg got in the nest?"

Is there any behind the scenes footage in which after meeting a dino Buddy pretends to forget something and goes back to the dino and eats it?

That "point of fact" guy said dinosaurs didn't create art from gourds. Is that really a fact? I mean can he prove no deinonychus made gourd art?

Is it appropriate for Tiny to be singing about her "tiny place"?

I'm guessing diggers have found evidence of the train, as well as the documentary footage used in the show, but has anyone been able to figure out the technology of time travel that they used? Is that what's in Area 51? If you told me would you have to kill me? If the answer to the last question is yes I prefer not to know.

What was more upsetting to you? When you learned that dinosaurs and people didn't live at the same time ( like on the Flintstones)? Or when you found out Brontosauruses (Brontosaurii?) were fake? Either way it proves the Flintstones were a lie and it's sad either way.

For me it was the Brontosaurus thing...

I think that's it... I really do love the show. My son does too... If you discover a new dinosaur feel free to name it after him. Milohsaurus would be ok but we'd prefer MFosaurus or Emeffosaurus.

Thanks... Kenny

October 30, 2012

Kid Is Asleep And Candy Is Gone

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

I thought I'd give you all a little treat for Halloween.

Last year, and the year before, I learned what a bitch it is having a baby/toddler who sleeps early on Halloween. Also I think that's horrible sentence structure right there but whatever.

Kids walk by, ring the door bell and are generally super loud outside your window...Which is normally cool on Halloween but so not cool if it wakes your kid.

So this year I'm going to try this sign and see how it goes...Feel free to use it too and let me know if it works. Sorry google crunches the size, you can get a higher res version here.



June 18, 2012

I was totally going to kill it...

The blog that is.

But I had an idea for some posts that I'll try out for as long as it amuses me...

Since I'm not killing it you don't get my goodbye post, which was not really going to be a full on goodbye post. In a way this blog is like that girl (or boy) you are dating and want to break up with but you can't seem to do it... You have every good intention on doing the "it's not you, it's me" thing.

Or you break up and then slide back, maybe even that same day.

I have a feeling that goodbye post would be good, except I didn't actually get enough time to sit down and write it.

It was going to consist of little summaries of posts that I was going to write but never got around to... So I can include them now.

There was the one from way early on when I was pondering how the first circumcision came to be. I know we say it's for hygiene but that's probably a side effect... I also know that it's ritualistic but who was the first person that said "you know what god would really like? He'd like if I cut that tip of my penis off... Seriously he sent me an email." My theory is there was some dad way back in the day who was giving his son a bath, and a knife fell out of his pocket... So the only excuse he could tell his wife for the kid's wiener being all cut up was that god was down with it.


I had another where I was going to blast gender neutral parenting... I don't normally blast the way people raise their kids but I think it's a load of hipster bullshit... We can debate if it's cool or not but people like to know if your kid has a penis or not... That's really all they are asking if you have a boy or girl. You raise your kid as you wish. For instance we didn't want MF to have a bunch of electronic toys so we told friends... And you know what? No electronic toys as gifts. You can do the same with dolls, trucks or whatever... But let people know if your kid is a boy or girl.

That might sound like I'm being a dick but... Well I am. However it was this article about one family that got me thinking.

Here's a quote:

Sasha dresses in clothes he likes -- be it a hand-me-downs from his sister or his brother. The big no-no's are hyper-masculine outfits like skull-print shirts and cargo pants. In one photo, sent to friends and family, Sasha's dressed in a shiny pink girl's swimsuit.

So what they're saying is it's ok for their boy to wear a shiny pink girl's swimsuit but not skull prints or cargos... Or basically their boy can wear super girly clothes but not boy clothes... Fuck you parents of Sasha... Hypocrites.



Our on a less snarky note I was going to write about that time that MF pooed with such a consistency and color that it was like watery split pea soup. I realize that happens to all kids but this first happened about three months ago and I thought that wold happen sooner or not at all... And I had to do the diaper with him standing in the shower... I thought we were lucky with not having that kind of situation.

Then I was going to attach my recipe for split pea soup... I augmented it from the Vegetarian Meat and Potato Cookbook. But I didn't write it... I will tell you the real deal to make the soup good is the croutons... Crusty bread or a good multigrain bread sauted in a ton of olive oil with garlic... Do that till it's crispy and browned.



Then there were a few times I really thought about what kids books are saying, aside from the Peter Rabbit thing.




But I decided I might not full on break up with the blog... I have an idea that I'll post soon. It amuses me, perhaps it will amuse you all... And maybe I'll get time to actually write the snarky posts in my head... Although I don't seem to have time for that now.

May 21, 2012

Hacking Sidewalk Chalk

Sidewalk chalk. The awesomeness of temporary art.

MF loves the stuff... He does his best at drawing fish, sharks, circles and monkeys (they all look the same) and has us supplement his Jackson Pollock-esque doodles with fish and other things... But mostly fish.

And it's up for a day or two then gone after a rain... As it should be.

But it could be a little disappointing because it's so faint... And so temporary... What if you could hack it and make it better?

That's just what we did.

It was an accident. We left the washable sidewalk chalk out during a storm and the box got filled with water... It stayed like that for a few days before we noticed...

Then came a nice day and The Kid wanted to play chalk... So play we did (although we really didn't play chalk we used chalk or drew with chalk or such) after I drained the chalk box.

The water gave the chalk an awesome consistency... And the color was amazing. The chalk rods (is that what you call them) were super soft and they almost melted into the concrete... I wish I took pics of them because the color was so vibrant and bright. I will and I'll update the post.

Anyway I drew fish like normal... One was an anglerfish because, well they're awesome... And I make little fish going into their mouths... And dude knows them as anglerfish which is one reason he's awesome. The other a normal fish...

And time passed and it rained... And the fish stayed, and it rained again and they stayed and a torrential rain and they're there...

The fish are faint but they've persisted... Faint but there... It's been about a month.

Happy blue fish
Sad super faint anglerfish
I tried to see if the chalk would come out with some scrubbing and it does...

The temporary chalk was hacked... The kids on our street love that there is still a shark on the sidewalk (it's obviously a happy fish and an anglerfish but whatever) and I created a new toy...

An awesome semi-temporary super saturated, super soft, super colorful sidewalk chalk...

I'm gonna figure out how long the chalk needs to soak and I'll do a tutorial soon.

May 14, 2012

Over Analyzing Peter Rabbit

We all know the story, right. A rabbit (who's a bit like me) doesn't listen to his mother and loses his clothes then get sick... Moral is listen to your mother.

But is that really the moral? I think not.

Let's walk through it a bit.

Peter ran off while Flopsy, Mopsy and Cotton-tail were gathering blackberries. Sure Peter should have stayed with his sisters but have you ever picked blackberries? It's tedious and prickly... No one in their right mind would blame him for ducking out...

I should mention here that in the board book we have they don't mention that Peter's dad was in a "accident" that lead to him being baked into a pie by Mr. McGregor... So much has been sanitized these days. I mean calling it an accident back in 1893 was still sanitizing it... You know he was hit by a rake, knocked unconscious,  skinned and then cooked in a stew or perhaps just on a spit over a fire.

Anyway when we last left Peter he was running away from a job that would have ended with a million cuts on his tiny little rabbit hands (brings down the value of a rabbit foot).

Then he squeezed under a gate and ate lettuce, beans (actually French Beans–fancy) and some radishes. Then he ended the meal with a bit of parsley. Not a bad meal... I say that not as a vegetarian but what I assume a rabbit would think... He had a pretty fantastic veggie plate... Most restaurants back in 1893 would have given you a piece of toast with chicken on it if you asked for a vegetarian meal... Same with most restaurants in Minneapolis now.

Then Mr. M saw the Peter and he bolted... That adrenaline you get after being chased is kind of awesome. Sure you think you'll get caught but once you're good you kind of float on air... No need to worry.

And then Peter lost a button. Really? We care about a button? Most jackets come with extra buttons. Also, SPOILER, dude loses the whole coat later so who cares about a button...

Then Peter gets stuck, meets some "friendly" sparrows, lost a coat, got wet, sneezes, runs and meets a mouse.

A mouse who could not answer Peter's question about a way out because she had a pea in her mouth. We accept this and think "whoa, sucks for Peter." You know what story I would have liked to hear?

The one where the mouses husband gets a call because his wife choked on a pea and the one animal that was able to help her out just walked away because she couldn't show him the door. How many kids did that poor mouse have? How many went hungry that night and maybe died? How did they grow up without a mother? Did they hate rabbits forever because of an "accident" that happened in Mr. McGregor's house?

We need answers... And rabbits that think more about others.

Cat looking at fish. Yada yada yada... Peter runs home.

When he gets home he doesn't get to eat blackberries, bread and milk... He just got chamomile tea because he was sick.

And we're supposed to think this is horrible... Dude already had a fantastic meal of the finest fresh veggies that Mr. McGregor had in his garden.

So the moral of the story, if there was one, would be listen to your mom or such (Miloh if you're reading this listen to your mom).

But the reality is he had a sweet adventure... One that if he was a seagull they would have made a book on how awesome he was and called it Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

He also had a sweet statue made of him... They say in the book that Mr. McGregor made a scarecrow of his clothes but it was probably just a statue of the awesomest rabbit he ever saw.

And he got away from his sisters for awhile... And every kid knows that that is a good thing.

So was running away really bad? I think not... The story would have never endured if he went picking blackberries, got a cut on his hand and then drank some milk.

P.S. What's with all the tea drinking in children's books? Should we be giving our kids tea? Is the lack of tea for children going to be seen as the downfall of our society? Only time will tell.

April 29, 2012

A is for Asshole –or– I Don't Care That Your Kid Can Say The Alphabet

It seems like a lot of parents of toddlers biggest pride is their kid can recite the ABCs... They strut out like a trained seal and say "Say your alphabet."

I've been accosted by these alphabet spewing kids too many times to count... And it's freaking annoying. I feel like they're trying yo impress me... I feel like I should reach into my pocket and throw some spare change in the kid's hat... Too bad none threw one down before hand.

It means absolutely nothing. It's memorization. It's a song. A mnemonic but really it's a completely... Not like counting.

But I think parents feel that because their kid can say their alphabet that they are changing the diapers of the next Einstein.

This post isn't just about me bitching... Although I felt I had to throw that in so you all can spare the world of having to hear it...

It's about the other morning when MF was playing with his magnet letters... He knows a fair amount of them and Staci was working on the sounds...

B, Buh, Button.

L, Lllll, Lemon.

At some point she got to A, ah. And that's when I said "Asshole". I couldn't not. I was probably wrong but it felt so right.

That's when MF said "No daddy, A, apple. Not asshole."

He schooled me again.

Sidenote: this post was supposed to go up last week but I didn't hit publish... I didn't really know if MF knew his ABCs as a mnemonic because we don't practice it with him (maybe we're terrible parents). But this weekend he asked me to sing it and he sang along...

Next he asked me to sing the jumping song and then said it goes like this... And he proceeded to jump and then tuck and roll on the landing... No words (although apparently it has some)... The jumping impressed me.

April 16, 2012

I was going to write something else but this takes precedence.



We went looking for bikes yesterday... His legs are so super tiny that even most balance bikes are too small... Luckily if he grows about an inche he'll be able to ride the smallest Novara kid's bike...

But he was a bit bummed that he couldn't buy a bike... And so was I... And this crappy little skateboard was only $18 (in reality I'd never buy a regular board or bike from anywhere than a board or bike store. Toy and Big box store gear sucks).

We took it home...

He's still too young for this, can't balance while kicking and doesn't get the idea of kicking... But damn he loves it... It was his chair at the snack table this morning...

April 9, 2012

Freaking High School Kids

Since I can't get to sleep until it's quite late I find myself watching movies at night since post-prime time television kind of sucks... I should also mention that late used to mean 2 or 3 in the AM but now with the kid and my age it means midnight...

And I should mention that midnight is 12:00 which means it's actually morning... People always say things like "I need that by midnight tonight". There are two things wrong with that... People don't often say that and midnight would have already passed.

That being said an unnamed online streaming company keeps me entertained... Unnamed because they kind fo suck now that they spun off their DVD service and that they are now less concerned with streaming movies than TV shows even though 'flix' is in the name of the company.

Any how I find myself watching a lot of documentaries because real life is often more entertaining and less believable than scripts.

That's how I found myself watching a movie called FrontRunners... It's a documentary of an election for a high school council in an incredibly prestigious school in NYC... A school that only the kids who perform in the top of standardized tests get into.

And I was appalled.

These kids are supposedly smart and their political campaigns sucked. They had no marketing skills. They had horrible pamphlets they would hand out. Poorly produced signs. Laughable tactics. Bad music spouting from tiny boom boxes.

It was a sad display.

I have no idea if MF will ever run for class president... But if he does he'll surely have some kick ass marketing. I won't do it for him but I'll provide direction, show him some good inspiration and lend my thoughts on what he creates. He won't have some crappy photo thrown on to some craptastic 8.5x11" piece of paper and stand in some corridor with some crap music while looking like a goofball... Miloh, you're welcome.

April 2, 2012

Killing It With A Joke

I'm killing the blog... Kind of...

It all comes down to time and energy really... And while I love writing on this blog I don't feel that I have the time to write really good stuff anymore... And there are a shit load of sites out there with really crappy stuff on them and I don't want to add to the noise...

On a side note I find it odd that some of those sites with crappy stuff are quite popular... But I suppose one dog's crap is another dog's meal. I learned this lesson this morning as my dog was chomping on another dog's poo while leaving a little gift of her own on the lawn. The circle of life.

And I'm not totally killing it... I'll try to write one post a week and post it on Monday but if I have nothing good to say I won't post.

I have a few good posts in my head already so I know this isn't the last.

And I promised a joke so here it goes... kind of... It's the first joke MF told.

The setup: Staci was reading MF a book called Switching on the Moon that has short bedtime poems in it.

One of the poems says: "Goodnight, Tigger. Goodnight, Pooh." So MF looks over at Staci and says "Tiger poop." I should add here that for months he called Winnie the Pooh – Winnie the Kalli's Poop... Kalli is our dog.

Then he looked at me and said "tiger poop" and he laughed... And it was fucking hilarious so I laughed. So he said the punchline again "Tiger poop" while getting in Staci's face... And she laughed. Again he said it and we laughed...

Then MF said "squirrel poop" and we laughed some more... And then Staci kept reading.

"Goodnight, Ice Cream"... "Ice Cream poop." And I lost it... I laughed so hard that MF thought I was crying... And he asked me what was wrong... It's hard to explain to a kid that you're laughing so hard you're crying...

The poem was over and he got ready to sleep... Then he said "tiger poop."

Took awhile... Here's an infographic of MF's first year

I finished this about a year ago just for my personal use but thought I'd share it. It's a visualization of MF's first year in n...