smonk you: the best freaking daddy blog ever

Here's a little quiz for the new dads, and new moms...what's wrong with the picture below? Do you see it?  While you could say things like "none of the rings are missing" or "there's no food, snot, spit up or poo on any of the rings" or even "there are no bite marks from our dog and/or kid" those aren't the answers I'm looking for. I'm also not counting that they have an extra blue which they're considering indigo...that is wrong, because what the hell is it doing there anyway? I realize it's in the visual spectrum but I'm totally an old school primary, secondary and tertiary color guy. No indigo in those...so take it out of my color rings. Sorry for that but we have to stick up for our moral values.  To tell you the truth it took me months to figure it out.  See it yet? No, well I'll tell you...green is out of order. Yup, now that you see it you're probably realizing you were a fool.  It should go, blue, y...

Here's my second installment of the GTTOD series. The first post can be found here . This is a bit of a two part post. Part One – Travel: A little over a month ago I took my first post-Miloh work trip. I was psyched for the trip because it was to Toronto, a city I have a bit of a crush on, and because we were working on some cool stuff. I was a bit apprehensive because I was leaving Miloh at 5 weeks old. I also felt a bit of guilt to leave Staci all alone with him and with a semi-high maintenance dog. So I sent a tweet out to a bunch of mommy bloggers asking what I should do to help Staci out. I got some great ideas. Here's a short list of the suggestions: Get a cleaning person to help her out so she doesn't need to think about it. Order her favorite dinner and have it delivered to her  Stock up on her fave foods Get her a gift Put the dog in a kennel So here was my plan. I was going to order Chinese food from the place near here that delivers (the place I now ...

In my last post I mentioned I was working on getting some celebs for this post. I was in talks with the quarterback of the Saints whatever his name is...I'm sure I could look it up. I was also trying to get Conan...those talks were going really well but then NBC squashed it. There were more but the moral is it's just me. So I thought I'd do a clips post to show my journey from dude who was scared of kids to dad. If you're new to my blog this will be a CliffsNotes version of what you missed. If you've been checking it out for awhile think of this as a best of. And since a blog can't work like a TV show if you want to get the full clip show experience you'll have to click through to the posts...but this will give you the gist. In the beginning...Staci and I wanted to have a child but we both had totally different experience with kids. Kids have always been magically attracted to her...which is probably why she is so great at her career as a Montessori teac...

One: Some of Staci's friends threw her a baby shower this weekend. A bunch of our friends came as well as her mom...and my mom flew in for a special appearance. We got some awesome stuff so I wanted to thank all the people who came, and her friends for putting it on. Staci and I both got gifts for the pre-kid...I'll post them Thursday. Two: The baby room is just about done. I have to frame 2 pieces of art...then we need to get some sheets for the mattress. We started early...the slacked off...but it looks like we're finishing on time. Three: The baby turned head down and dropped. Since it wasn't head down in our last ultrasound Staci was able to get another to make sure all was good...in the pics they saw a full head of hair...kinda cool they can tell. The pre-kid's freaking huge...you can feel it's butt and head and see arms, knees or feet pushing out. Of course I mean huge based on it's current housing situation. Staci is worried that we'll blo...

2:00 A.M. Sunday morning Staci woke me up because she had some pains in her bellyish area/ribs. I comforted, cuddled her and took care of her in every way possible. Okay let's start this over a bit. I am not a morning person...at all. I can go to sleep whenever but I can't wake up early. And when I'm woken up I'm not happy...I don't talk...if under duress I will only grunt or spit out short sentences. That's why we have a plan that once the little dude/dudette is born I will be taking care of it late night. So here is how it actually went down. Staci told me she was having some pains...I said something like "yeah?" and went back to sleep. About a half hour later she told me she was still having pains...I told her they were Braxton-Hicks....and went back to sleep. About 15 minutes later she was writhing in pain...I asked if she wanted to go to the hospital...and told her it was probably Braxton-Hicks. She went down stairs and grabbed her coat. I too...

Bad things happen to our animals when Staci is out of town. Once, before her plane hit the ground to her destination, a whole opened 50lb bag of food fell down our stairs. 50lbs of kibble all over, not a fun thing to pick up. The next time Kalli got some broken skin from playing at the park. Nothing to bad. Third time was a charm, Kalli was again accidently scratched at the park. This time it was bad. Huge open wound that led to $400 at the vet. Then when I left for lunch one day I trusted Kalli because she wasn't picking at her stitches, when I got back her wounds were barely still closed up. Then when Staci got home she noticed that our cat Zoggs had no fur on his ear, I hadn't even noticed. He's got food allergies and I think he at some flowers we had out. This time, when I had been home for literally 1 minute Kalli yelp in pain. I thought I had stepped on her leg. Luckily she was just being dramatic because she tripped over a cat toy. From the sound I thought...