Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: Be a Goat

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, August 03, 2011

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I'm not sure where I heard it but I once heard someone quote a NYC cab driver who said “In a world full of sheep... be a goat.”

Not a sheep.
When I used the Google to find out who said it I was scared the answer would be someone embarrassing said it like Bieber, Caitlin Upton or Michele Bachmann would have said it... Luckily I couldn't find anyone famous spouting those words.

And it seems like a lot of people would have said it but really nothing good showed. So I'm gonna start using it as my own second hand quote... Skip my first line of this post and let me start over.

There was this one time I was at LGA trying to get into the city. I had been there the week before and so I knew the best taxi line to get into. So I get in that line and finally get to the front and ask the cabbie if he took credit cards... A new law was enacted that made all drivers take them but you gotta ask just in case.

But the dude said no... Some BS about the line I was in was cabbies that don't need to take CC's. I told him to take me to the city and let me get cash. He said no because "how can he trust me?" So I responded "You have my bags in the back... And how can I trust you won't kill me?"

I'm not sure if it's a written rule but that's apparently something you don't want to ask a cabbie... And so I was (politely) asked to leave. And then said cabbie yelled at the cab wrangler calling me a dumb ass.

And I headed to the long-ass line of taxis that took credit cards.

The new driver was nice but a bit chatty. I don't normally talk to cabbies because well, I have nothing to say and I was usually taking super late or super early flights so would nap.

Anyway I was in this cab and the driver was chatting me up. At the end of my ride he got my bags out of the trunk, thanked me for the tip and said “In a world full of sheep... be a goat.”

It made me stop and think for a bit. Then I wondered who this man was. Was he buddha? Was he Salman Rushdie? Was he J. D. Salinger? Or maybe I was in the presence of true greatness... I saw a little twinkle in his eye... Could it have been Santa Clause?

And I guess I'd change my wisdom... If you have a good quote but honestly forget who you heard it from make it your own. Who's to say that never happened?

Wisdom for Miloh: It's not plagiarism if you make it your own.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: Learn The Right Way To Eat A Banana

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, July 13, 2011

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Wisdom for Miloh: Learn how to eat a banana.

Most folks will tell you there is one way to eat a banana. They are wrong. There is a right way and a wrong way. And most people eat them the wrong way.

I have to admit I ate them the wrong way for probably about 30 years... Then I ran in to one of the most brilliant men I have ever met. Sorry, that's a lie... He's a copywriter and no brilliant person would put them self in that situation. But I know he just threw out his trademark JC (not Jesus Christ) smirk when reading that. And now he's saying "fucking Friedman."

Anyway JC (not Jesus Christ) told me I was eating a banana wrong one day. I was eating it like everyone I've ever seen ate it... But I hadn't seen the light.

You see professional banana eaters, some call them monkeys, eat them the opposite way that most humans do. They grab the stem and peel the top.

It makes more sense... It's easier to peel the "bottom" of a banana even though it's actually the top.

The stem part is tough so if you peel from there you bruise the banana.

Plus flipping the banana over, or in reality holding it the right way, gives you a nice little stem handle to hold onto. It makes life easier when you eat a banana the correct/monkey way.

He also said some BS about it tasting better if you eat it the right way but I'm not convinced of that.

So here's the deal. Ignore the way mommy gives you a banana. It's wrong. Eat them the way I give them to you. You're welcome.

And for those who want to know a bit more about the banana wars check out this Slate article.

Moral of the story: mommy's wrong and I'm right.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: You can learn from Chip Kidd

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, March 23, 2011

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Wisdom for Miloh: Not all frauds are bad.

I "met" Chip Kidd about seven years back at a book signing. You can read a bit about it here.

The image below is from one of the books he signed. I realize he was just goofing around, or maybe not, but I think there's a nugget of awesomeness.

Although I know it would put Chip Kidd in a state of depression for years to hear that he's not my favorite fraud I have to say that P.T. Barnum holds that place in my hear. Phineas Taylor is actually a hero of mine. He was an incredible salesmen... Maybe the best.

The dude made a fake Cardiff Giant and then when the "real" Cardiff Giant was found out to be a fake he billed his as the Fake Fake Cardiff Giant... People kept coming to see his fake.

He also came up with the "This way to the Egress" signs... Freaking brilliant if you ask me... But if you ask others he's a fraud.

That's just the tip of the iceberg of Barnum but I'm not under the gun to do a whole report on him... However, Miloh, when you have to do your first expository report (haven't used that word since 10th grade) I'll make you suggest you do one on him.

Barnum, and others, paved the way for modern marketing... What I do... Really it's the same thing he did... Smoke, mirrors, telling the truth in your own way... Yeah being a fraud isn't the worst thing ever.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: Sleepovers are overrated

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, March 02, 2011

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As you know every Wednesday, without fail, I post a little bit of wisdom for Miloh. This next installment was something I overheard while enjoying some Punch Pizza. Mine of course was cheeseless because, as I have scientifically established, cheese is horrible.

Wisdom for Miloh: Sleepovers are overrated

A woman said this to her kid as she was leaving Punch the other day. The wisdom can actually span your lifetime and is so sage that she must have been some sort of prophet.

Here's the breakdown on why they are overrated.

As a kid:
Here's how your first sleepover at a friend's house will go. We'll drop you off at your buddy's house and your mom will kiss you in front of him which will embarrass you. You'll play with your buddy while your his parents make dinner. By "make dinner" I mean order pizza.

After the pizza you will play a little more... and then you will be sick of hanging out with him. It will be 8 PM.

You'll feel a little better about hanging at his house because it will be snack time... inevitably it will be something you don't get at home. There's a 20 percent chance that it will be awesome and an 80 percent chance it will suck.

After snack you will remember you're sick of your friend.

Next, because it's your first sleepover, there is a 30 percent chance you'll be homesick. So homesick that you'll call your mom and me.

We won't pick you up because we were the smart ones who dropped you at a friends house so we could have a kid-less night. You will cry. You will hate us. You will fall asleep.

There's a 20 percent chance you'll pee in the bed.

In the morning you will be so sick of your friend and will be counting the seconds until we pick you up. But we won't be coming until about 10 AM.

Your friend's parents will make you breakfast. It will probably be horrible. For me that would mean eggs... but you like eggs. But don't feel all smug. They will make whatever you hate most.

Then you will have to play more with your friend who you couldn't be more sick of. There is a 10 percent chance you will break something valuable in the house.

Finally, right before you're about to end the friendship, we will pick you up. You won't talk to your friend for a week... which is a long time when you're young.

In college:
People think they call it the walk of shame because everyone watches you walk/run to your dorm to change clothes before class and they know what you've been up to.

In reality its the walk of shame because you were too stupid to leave before it became a sleepover.

What's going to happen is you're going to like some girl and at one point she'll say that "if you love me" you'll stay over.

You are 20-ish... you don't love her. DO NOT STAY OVER. Once you stay over there's no going back... at least for a while.

Your relationship just took a turn for the serious. Problem is next quarter in Anthropology class there is going to be a really cute girl that you want to ask out but can't because you slept over some other girl's place.

Some girl you may like but didn't plan on getting that serious with...

But the sleepover brings the seriousness of a relationship up 5.5 notches. That's a fact even though I'm unsure of how many notches would be in a relationship.

And once there is one sleepover there will be another. And the seriousness of the relationship builds logarithmically (perhaps I'm using that word correctly) with each sleepover. You are trapped.

So spend quality time with your college girlfriends. Hang at their place, have them hang at your's. But remember that girl you'll meet in Anthropology class and find some excuse to leave before you fall asleep.

As an adult:
Well this one is tricky. It's kind of like college. You stay over at a girl's place or let them stay over and the relationship get's more serious. It could be a good thing, could be a bad thing.

The rules on this one is a little more blurry. But you can hold off on the sleepover for awhile still... and you should.

A good way to put off the sleepover is get a cat.

Guys will say it's not masculine but that's not true. But cats are the perfect animal to get out of a sleepover.

"Oh, I can't sleep over I have to feed my cat."

You will look sensitive.

The thing is the cat will have enough food... there will be at least one square inch of clean litter in the box... and it won't even miss you if you stay out.

But the girl doesn't need to know that.

And a cat is better than a dog because if there is a chance that you think it's a good time to sleep over you will know that the cat will be fine. A dog would pee and poo on your floor.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, November 24, 2010

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Wisdom for Miloh: Don't feed the dog from the table.

She'll start expecting it and she'll get fat.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: English is an odd language

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, November 17, 2010

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Coming off my last wisdom post I thought I'd take on English. It's a silly hard to understand language with all the idioms and double meanings of things. Although that's what also makes it great. However there are a couple things to look out for.

Wisdom for Miloh: Questions are often statements.
You'll see this a lot in the work world...people often want to state their opinion but at the last minute decided to be nice so the statement ends up like a question. "What if we threw Turkeys out of a helicopter?" means "We should throw turkeys out of a helicopter." which actually means "We're going to throw turkeys out of a helicopter."

Its subtle but it's something to look out for.

Women use this question as statement often. "Do you think we should paint the living room?" means "I got some paint sample and cleared your calendar for Saturday so you can paint the living room."

There is also "Is that what you're wearing?" That means you should change your outfit...however you should always answer that question with a "Yes" and continue to get ready.

I could probably think of more things here but I think you get the point and I'm kinda sick so the brain isn't working at it's best.

Bonus wisdom for Miloh: Maybe pretty much always means no.
I don't often quote lyrics (or maybe I do) but these from Jack Johnson's Flake are so true. This one goes true for men and women. I'm sure there has been a time were it meant yes but I can't think of any off hand.

Staci: "Do you want to go to a beach for winter break?" Me: "Maybe"

What was actually said there is "We should go to a beach for winter break." "No." And you will thank me for this later when we spend that time snowboarding every year...I suppose it would be ok-ish to spend it surfing and snorkeling...but I'd need to learn to surf and why waste the winter time? Right?

Ladies and gentlemen...Les Nessman:

WKRP Turkey Drop

and a bonus...Jack Johnson with Ben Harper

Jack Johnson & Ben Harper - Flake (Live San Diego)-Osoremors-Ucv

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: Math quiz

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, November 10, 2010

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Wisdom for Miloh: You don't need math.

You may find yourself in math classes when you're older and think it has nothing to do with what you'll be doing when you grow up. You are probably right.

The teachers will say you need math...that's a lie.

First, you have a computer and probably some crazy smart phone that I can't even phathom right now.

Second you have an aunt who teaches statistics. Use that smart phone and call her up to get answers to any math question you have...I do.

So skip your math classes and go to recess...go on the merry-go-round thingy. There's a little math involved there with centrifugall force and such but it's more physics, which might have a bit of math...but nothing a computer can't do.

Instead of doing math homework in the winter we'll go snowboarding. Same thing with math and physics there...same thing with a computer being able to do it. I suppose you can rationalize that you need math to figure out your rotations but that's easy and you probably only need to figure out rotations up to 1270s...I'm guessing they will progress past the 1080 by the time you board. 

Either way I'll write a note for your teacher about saying that instead of doing your homework we did some real world math lessons.

When you need to get out of math in college let me know. I did by writing a paper on why photography is math. Sure I had to take an extra photo class for the credits, but I took way too many anyway.

With the merry-go-round, snowboarding and photo reference you'd probably think that you do need math. You don't.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, November 03, 2010

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Wisdom for Miloh: don't carry things you could have let go.

I learned a lot in college but I retained very little that actually matters. That's the thing about college...you learn a ton of crap you won't really need just because you have to get requirements in several areas of study.

One of the nuggets of information I retained, and think about a lot...I mean a lot...I've probably bored your mom with the story...it's a story of two monks.

I found this version here...it's the closest to how I heard it.

Two Buddhist Monks were on a journey, one was a senior monk, the other a junior monk. During their journey they approached a raging river and on the river bank stood a young lady. She was clearly concerned about how she would get to the other side of the river without drowning.

The junior monk walked straight past her without giving it a thought and he crossed the river. The senior monk picked up the woman and carried her across the river. He placed her down, they parted ways with woman and on they went with the journey.

As the journey went on, the senior monk could see some concern on the junior monk's mind, he asked what was wrong. The junior monk replied, "how could you carry her like that? You know we can't touch women, it's against our way of life". The senior monk answered, "I left the woman at the rivers edge a long way back, why are you still carrying her?"

The story is simple. The senior monk broke the rules he lives by for good. He knew it was the right thing so he did it and it was over, he didn't think of it again.

The young monk on the other hand kept his anger and frustration of not only something that another person did, but something that was in the past. Something that couldn't be changed.

I love the older monk's comment about why the younger one is still carrying the woman...monks are so cool with language.

It's not about forgetting the past, it's about acknowledging it and learning from it and letting it guide your future actions.

And the moral is mothers should never say "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed." At least I think that's what it is.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: feed the wolf

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, October 27, 2010

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Here's another piece of wisdom learned from a tattoo...specifically one I saw on Fuck Yeah Tattoos. Really at the rate these wisdoms are going you should ignore every 3rd one and just check out the site because it seems to be where I get my stuff from.

Wisdom for Miloh: Don't feed the bad wolf.

As I said while checking out FYT I saw a photo of a woman's tattoo that said "Don't feed the bad wolf."

She explains that it comes from a Cherokee story that I think is pretty great.

An elderly Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren about life…

He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil—he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

They thought about it for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win, Grandfather?”

The Elder simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: Say something

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, October 20, 2010

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Hey Miloh, let me start by saying I'm a bit disappointed with you. Yesterday you totally dropped the ball in meeting a cute girl.

Sure she was about three and a half times your age, which could have been intimidating, but dude...she was totally interested in you. I realize you gave her the Miloh "how you doing" eyes but you need to follow that up with something. Some kind of line, an opener, whatever but just say something.

And that's my wisdom: Say something. Say something smart. Say something clever. Say something honest. Say Something scary. Say something painful. Say something meaningful. Say Anything. (I totally didn't plagiarize that*.)

I won't be able to pass along any good lines to pick up women...although I did pass along some bad ones.

However the one thing I can pass along is that if you say nothing you will get nowhere.

And, to fully understand the advice I'll force you to watch Say Anything because not only was it a great "semi-awkward, yet charming, guy gets the girl" movie but the main character Llyod Dobler was ahead of his time. He said "Kick Boxing. Sport of the future." And while kickboxing alone isn't super popular MME is...which is semi close-ish.. So all the folks who were thinking Llyod was a fool...looks like you were wrong-ish.

I'll also make you watch The Graduate, my roommates freshman year of college made me watch it when I liked a girl but hadn't yet talked to her. That one is a 'semi-awkward guy gets the girl' movie. I omitted  'charming' because Dustin Hoffman as Ben Braddock...not so charming.

Last I'll give you one extra piece of advice: There is a super short window of time that you will be able to make eyes with a girl, then try to feed a Cheerio to your mom (but miss her mouth), and still have the girl interested in you. That window is closing really fast...so think about taking that out of your repertoire.

Ladies and gentlemen...Llyod Dobler.

*OK, maybe not totally

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: Life's short

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, October 13, 2010

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I'll eventually get somewhere with this but I'll start with don't get a tattoo...well at least wait until you're 25. That might seem like an arbitrary age, and it is to an extent, but there are a ton of bad tattoos out there so waiting a bit is a good idea. Although by the time you're 18 you will probably be able to have them lasered off at a cart in a mall.

Also if you do get tattoos you need to vet them with me first...because like I said there is a bunch of crap out there...someone you know, not me, thought of getting a Smurf on a mushroom when they were 18.

I have one I don't dig...it meant something at the time but it's so abstract that it kind of means nothing...but I kind of see some tattoos as scars, or remembrances of things, and that's why I got that one so I'm cool with it...until the day comes that I think of something kick ass to cover it up with (sorry mom.)

Which (kind of) brings me to my latest tattoos, the one's I said I'd write up a bit. The idea came to me a few years ago. I wanted a tattoo on my forearms but I couldn't think of what to get so I wrote FPO on my arm where the tattoo would go.

Still healing so it's a bit flakey looking.

FPO stands for For Position Only (or For Placement Only) and it's a design term that basically says an image or empty space is just temporary. I can go into the whole thing but Wikipedia does it simplest.

I was rolling the idea around in my head for awhile but it wasn't working...then I saw an FPO with the bounding box (the X) and it clicked.

I dig them for a few reasons...I'm an art director, it's permanently temporary and I see For Placement Only as a bigger thing.

I think we're all FPO...I don't mean that in a crass way, like we don't count, I just mean we're really only around for a blip of time when you look at the history of the universe (that is if you believe in science and that crazy idea of the Big Bang or perhaps The Big Bang Theory.) And the Earth will (hopefully if we don't screw it up too much) out last us. So I see it as an environmental idea too...since we're only here for a bit (and borrowing the Earth from our kids) we shouldn't fuck it up.

And life seems short anyway...it moves so fast...so like I said in last week's post do things, have fun and make the most of the time we'r on this rock.

Unfortunately some people's lives are really too short and that makes our time here more precious.

I wanted to let my readers know about a girl that one of my first readers told me about. Her name is Getty and she's super cute and just over 7 months old. She has SMA which you can read about here. Children with SMA rarely live longer than 2 or 3 years of age.

There are a lot of upcoming events in the Bay area to help raise money for her care so if you're from there please check them out. One event coming up this weekend is a Craft Fair in Fremont Park in Sacramento (October 16 from 10-2) There are a lot of great vendors that will be there so if you're in the area please check it out.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: Do things.

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, September 29, 2010

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I recently got a couple new tattoos...I'll post about them later...but somehow while searching for tattoo stuff I happened upon Fuck Yeah Tattoos and I found this one.

From Fuck Yeah Tattoos...not mine.
The words comes from a Mark Twain quote:
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
It's so true...so do everything you want to do...take risks....have fun....and don't take life too seriously. Have fun.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: dress the job you want

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, September 22, 2010

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There is a bit of a theme going on with some of these...a bit of rebellion. I don't mean it to be like that...I just want Miloh to grow up, be his own person.

Wisdom for Miloh: dress the job you want

I was told that a few times and on the surface it seems like a really obvious statement. I mean you should always think of your next career move, or next 2, and preparing for that early is a good idea.

So yeah...dressing the job you want makes sense.

BUT...there's actually a lot more to that comment then there seems.

First time I was told to do that I ignored it. I think people should be judged on what they do not how they look. Obviously there are exceptions for people who come to work dressed like shit, but in my case I was wearing dress shirts, ties and a sport coat to work...I was told to wear more suits...blech.

Second time I was told to dress the job I want I ignored it again...

The third time the comment was said it hit me. I did want to advance my career, become a Creative Director and such. So I should in fact dress the job I want.

Problem is the job I wanted had me wearing jeans most days and allowed me to express my style and wear whatever shoe I want...like PF Flyers.

So think about it. If you're in a job or any situation that is making you change who you are to advance really think about if that's where you want to be...because it's easy to go somewhere else and do the same thing but keep your style and self respect. And then you'll be happier anyway.

Ladies and gentlemen...The Clash (video quality sucks but it's worth a watch.)

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: never grow up

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, September 15, 2010

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Wisdom for Miloh: Don't grow up.

I can't really think of a good reason to grow up...nothing good can come of it.

You'll of course grow older, go to college get a job and all that...but that doesn't mean you need to grow up.

Staying young makes life so much less boring.

Ladies and gentlemen...Youth Group.

And P.S. I should say Happy Birthday to Jordan. It was this day 10 years ago that we went out to celebrate his birthday. I had a shot or 4 of Jager...that gave me a little courage to introduce myself to Staci for the first time.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: Run with Kalli

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, September 08, 2010

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Wisdom for Miloh: Run with Kalli

You and Kalli (or dog) already have an amazing relationship...you were buddies from day one. She gives you toys...you give her toys. She lets you do anything you want to her (including manhandling her ears) and she cleans you off when needed...and when you're hands are full of food after eating.

When you go for walks with her you giggle so much...actually you giggle many times you see her. When she's happy you're happy and you giggle more than any other time...and she in turn gets happy.

When you're bigger you'll walk with her...but when you can you need to run with her...she loves it and it makes her so happy. So you in turn will be crazy happy...maybe you'll giggle too much to be able to run.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: look at a girls eyes

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, September 01, 2010

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Wisdom for Miloh: if you like a girl remember her eye color

You know that girl you like? Check out her eyes...remember the color. There will be a test.

You see it is, in whatever color eyes the have, completely unacceptable to forget what color a girl's eyes are. There is however one exception.

If however you become a piano playing singer who wears crazy glasses you can forget the color of a girls eyes. In fact if you become that person it will be super sweet to forget the color of their eyes.

But while I want to support you in everything you do I don't think you'll be a piano playing singer. There is some musical talent in the family, not from your mom or me, but there is absolutely no good singing voice genes anywhere in your blood...sorry about that.

Ladies and gentlemen...Elton John

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: question why

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, August 18, 2010

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Disclaimer: I dressed him and it was only for this shot.
Still even though it's uncoordinated the outfit is cute.

Wisdom for Miloh: Question why...always.

OK maybe not always but Aunt Kate and Uncle Matt gave you a kick ass shirt that says: "I ? Y" on the front and "Always" on the back...so it just sounds good.

In reality if you keep asking "Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?" it will drive your mom and I nuts...so please...not always. I know there is no way that it won't happen.

Every great invention came from someone asking why...or I guess from a mistake like leaving a piece of bread out or leaving some radioactive material lying around...but most are from people asking why.

People asked questions like:

  • Why the hell did that orange drop at the same speed as that rat?
  • Why does my wife always get made that there is water on the floor when I get out of the tub...and oh, wait...why did the water level get higher when I got in the tub? Because that's why there is water on the floor.
  • Why do I have to wipe my butt with this scratchy leaf?
  • Why isn't there a small sticky rubber octopus walking down my wall?

Really...life is kind of boring without asking why, or I guess how or where...whatever just ask questions.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom: know when to walk away

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, August 11, 2010

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Wisdom for Miloh: Know when to walk away...know when to run...know when to duck into a store and put a sweatshirt and hat on.

The first part of that comes from the Muppets...when some random dude sang a song called the Gambler...not sure what that guys first name was...hmmm.

Anyway while you may think it's about poker...it's really about life...(dude should have listened to that when he opened the chicken store.)

But let me give you a couple examples from my life:

Airport story 1
Walk away when you're wife says that if you go to jail in Hawaii she will still take her planned flight back.

You see your mom and I were once in Hawaii for your Aunt Jody and Uncle Ethan's wedding. 

On our way back to the mainland we had a stop over in Honolulu. That airport has a Wiki Wiki shuttle that takes you from terminal to terminal so you don't have to go through security again.

When we got off of our flight I asked the TSA guy where the Wiki Wiki to the terminal was. He pointed to the stairs that were behind a sign that said something like if you cross the red mark (top of the first stair) you can't go back.

So I said to the guy that it wasn't the right way, that I didn't want to go through security because I just wanted to go to my next terminal. 

The guy kept pointing at the stairs and told me to go down...there was a bit of back and forth...then we started toward the stairs. We passed the sign BUT HAD NOT PASSED THE RED LINE AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS and I turned again and asked the guy if this is really the way to the Wiki Wiki to the terminal. 

Then he said something like, oh...no that's this way (points opposite direction) but you can't go there because you passed the sign. 

Let me set the stage for you NO OTHER PEOPLE had been near us when we were chatting. He had his eyes on us the whole time and I had 10 rolls of high speed film that were a pain in the ass to get through security...plus those lines suck...plus I was right in the first place.

That's when I may have argued with the guy a bit. I said how he was the one to tell us to go past the sign...he didn't care.

I told him that we hadn't gone past the aforementioned red line...he didn't care.

Next I may have called him an idiot. Then I may have called him a fucking idiot. Then I may have called him a fucking idiot. Then I might have said he was so stupid he couldn't think on his own. Then I may have called him a fucking idiot.

Then he may have told me he was going to arrest me. I may have called him a plain old idiot next.

Then your mom passed the red line said she had my license and would leave me in a Honolulu jail if I didn't go with her....I followed her.

Appendix: We went through security. It was fast-ish because they opened a new line right in front of us. As we were walking to our gate (the first guy knew the number because I said that's where we were going) a security guy who was on break smoking saw me...looked straight in my eyes...put his cigarette down and followed me. Which is when I ducked into a show, put a sweatshirt and hat on and almost shit my pants. I then laid low for 40 minutes at a different gate and got on the plane no problem.

Notice I didn't shit my pants...something you do often these days Miloh.

Airport story 2
Walk away if your mom and about 15 other people tell you to.

A few years later your mom and I were in LA...I was there to photograph Shaun White at the X-games, then we had a wedding we went to and late we saw Aunt Jody and Uncle Ethan...I am now seeing a theme and now who to blame.

On our way back to Minneapolis I was wearing a zip up track jacket.

As I was about to go through the airport security metal detector I asked the TSA guy on the other side if I had to take it off...it was slim fit so really I should have had to...but it was the rules and I always follow rules so I asked.

TSA guy said yes so I took it off turned to your mom, who was at the conveyor belt and threw my jacket at her to put through. 

Your mom asked what was up. I said "nothing...it's stupid."

That's when TSA guy came trough the metal detector and got so close that his nose was about 5 inches from mine. He said something like "do we have a problem here?"

I said "are you kidding?" because honestly I thought he was kidding...and then he said something again like "do you have a problem with me?" 

I was blown away and told him that no, I had no problem with him, that I asked him if I should take the jacket of. I followed his direction, threw it to my wife and said something to her.

I don't remember what he said next but he kind of kept saying the same thing...and we had the same exchange a couple times...then he asked if we needed to go to the back. 

That's when, of course, I said proudly "Yes I do." I said it because they have so many cameras and such that if they looked at tape and listened to audio they would know the guy was an ass.

And then I heard gasps from other people around me and your mom...they all told me to apologize and go through. But the point is I did nothing wrong and there was no reason I wanted this guy to think he broke me. 

He wasn't expecting that answer and asked again...do I really want to go to the back room? I laughed a bit and said yeah and that I thought it was a good idea.

Then your mom walked through a different metal detector and EVERYONE told me to not be stupid and walk through.

The guy offered me one more chance...your mom and everyone was looking at me hoping I'd walk through...I did.

To be honest in both cases I'm a little bummed I backed down. I did nothing wrong in either case...in fact in both the TSA person was wrong...but in the end I really didn't want to deal with all the hassle of TSA and such interrogating me...and I have never been in jail and would like to keep it that way.

So yeah, little dude...know when to walk away. And maybe you should also watch your mom when we are at the airport...she's a much better role model than I.

Ladies and gentlemen...Kenny Rogers.

I think you'd never see this on a kids show these days because it mentions whiskey and cigarettes...sometimes protecting children really just keeps them from experiencing good things.

Ah...either way I hope the Muppets get a show again...they have a You Tube channel with new stuff so there is hope.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, August 04, 2010

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Wisdom for Miloh: Listen to Iron Maiden

Well more specifically listen Bruce Dickinson the lead singer to Iron Maiden because he's a super interesting man.

I think Maiden gets a bad rap because they're a metal band and their mascot, Eddie, is anything from a zombie to a skeleton and things in between. But they are a pretty smart group of guys.

Years ago I saw a trailer clip from their appearance on Live From Abbey Road in which Bruce talks about his career. Unfortunately when I searched for said clip I couldn't find it...I think it didn't make the cut for the show and was then pulled...but I remember the gist.

He talks about his career and says that he considers himself to be a professional pilot (he flies for a charter airline) and is once again an amateur musician...and he likes it that way. I should say that as an amateur musician he does pretty well for himself.

Bruce goes on to explain that the true meaning of amateur is someone who practices a study, sport or past time for the passion of it and the passion to learn it rather than for the money.

I guess I never thought of it that way...I always saw it simply...that a pro makes cash at something and an amateur doesn't.

But this is a good way to live your life...I love photography and was a professional photographer for 3 years...and I HATED doing that. Once I got into design I started loving photography again...I no longer had people telling me what to photograph...I could shoot what I wanted. I love being an amateur and wear that badge proudly.

If someone wants to pay me for my pics that's great...but I won't shoot the way anyone wants me to because I'm only shooting for myself.

That's not to say you can't make a living doing what you want...I made the switch from photo to art direction but I treat my career like I'm an amateur...I continue to learn...if I didn't I'd get bored.

Your mom did the same...she said goodbye to a lucrative career in wedding planning to follow her passion...teaching children...and in so many more ways it pays better than the other.

So little dude...find what your passion is and do that...if you get paid for it that's awesome...if you pick it as a career but lose that passion run away, find something else to pay the bills and find your passion again. Stay an amateur (even if you get paid) it's more fun.

And while I can't find that clip anymore here is one from the show. I love what Bruce has to say in it.

I should add that had it not been for Maiden I would have never read the epic poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, in 7th grade. So bugger (if I'm using UK slang correctly) to those who say metal makes kids stupid.

Weekly Wednesday Wisdom

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, July 28, 2010

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If you're reading this and your name is Chip Kidd please read the whole thing because there is a designer geek story at the end...and you're in it.

Disclaimer: I'm not a fan of controversy on my blog but this post involves a subject that people are incredibly emotionally attached to so please if you comment keep your comments nice.

This wisdom comes from a recent post from Girls Girls Girls week where I called Morgan out for using a double space after a period. Metta1313 joined the conversation and backed up the use of the double space. As an English teacher she felt she was correct...and via twitter she rallied the troops of other teachers and two-space fanatics...which brings me to my wisdom for Miloh this week.

Wisdom for Miloh: Teachers aren't always right. They make you want to think they are but they aren't. For instance there was the English teacher I had in 7th grade who said no one had ever gotten out of her class and never would. Then when I pissed her off so much that she hit me on the head with my book I was able to get out of the class...proved her wrong and became a hero in middle school.

When it comes to the idea that there are supposed to 2 spaces after a period it's just plain wrong...unless you're using a typewriter...if you are then continue using 2 spaces.

The basic deal is that with the advent of proportional fonts, on those fancy computers everyone is talking about, you no longer need that double space.

We all know that Wikipedia can have bullshit on it so I decided to go to experts to find out their thoughts of the double space.

I tweeted out to House Industries (a great font house who's merch was mentioned in a Gear Thursday), Chank (awesome type dude who's fonts will rock your blog...so buy some) and the aforementioned Chip Kidd...one of my fave designers...if you've ever read a book there is an 87%* chance that he designed the cover.

Here is what they said.

House Industries: @smonkyou Easy. One space after a period. Chicago Manual of Style also agrees: http://bit.ly/a7WQl5

Chank: @smonkyou Does HTML still convert a double-space to no-space? That's why I roll all single space. Doublespacing is 4 babyboomrs. #spacingWar

@smonkyou are you talking about manual typewriter teachers? nobody should use double spaces. just not a good idea. #SpacingWar

Chip Kidd: @smonkyou One space after a period. Period.

There you have it...the people that matter (designers and type designers) all know that it's one space after a period...

When you think about it by adding that extra space after a period you are basically spitting in the face of type designers who painstakingly set the spacing of the typefaces they create.

So Miloh...when you're in school remember teachers are not always correct, they like to pretend they are but, like all people, they don't know everything.

And if any teacher tells you there should be 2 spaces after a period (even your mom) call me as soon as you can and I'll rush to rescue you.

Oh, and as far as the oxford comma goes there is no definite answer on it...except House told me they are a fan of the song. My thought is it's a huge waste of time and resources. If no one used them we'd kill 21,234 less trees and use 102,348 less gallons of ink each year*.

*my numbers may be off in this post.

And here's my little story about Chip Kidd. When I was a photographer I discovered Chip's (or Mr. Kidd's...not sure which to say) work. I had of course seen a lot of it because he's created some super iconic book cover designs...but I hadn't known who the designer was until I checked design annuals and saw his name plastered in them.

A bunch of years passed and he was doing a signing at a local comic book store with comic book illustrator Alex Ross...they did a book together. I waited in line to get my book signed...I've never done something like this.

The line kind of went like this...people gabbed with Alex for a while, had him sign the book and then move to Chip and left...sorry but that is kinda what went down.

Then I came in...I didn't know who Alex Ross was...so I said hi and skipped over him to ask Chip (or Mr. Kidd) if he'd sign his book The Cheese Monkeys.

I think I was the only one who skipped Alex...because they looked at each other kinda like I was crazy.

Then I might have blown Chip's (or Mr. Kidd's) mind.

In the paper back version of his book there is a line saying that the version had one extra sentence than the hard cover...so I of course asked if that was the extra sentence.

Sadly it was not...but he pointed the other new sentence out.

When I write my first book, and Chip (or Mr. Kidd) designs the cover...I will add that same line to the paperback version and that WILL be the only extra sentence...yes I am a geek.

baby getty