A post straight from my heart

By kenny friedman on Thursday, December 02, 2010

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I thought I'd get a little serious today.

People often say that Miloh's cute...and I don't think it's the bullshit "oh, he's so cute" thing you say to a friend with an ugly kid just because it would be horrible to say a kid was ugly.* I do think he's cute, in a objective, and subjective, way.

But I actually figured out why he's cute and this is what this post is about.

You seen he has a small head. At one time he was at 25% head size...he's now at 5%. This makes him look like a tiny version of an older kid.

But it also makes him a Pea-Head...that's the street term. The politically correct term is Pea-Headed American.

Not a lot of people talk about Pea-Headedness. I can't think of any time I've seen or read a news story about it. Dick Gordon from NPR's The Story never did a segment on Pea-Headed Americans.

And since it's a bit unknown I thought I'd say a little bit about it.

Pea-Headed Americans are just like you. They can do pretty much everything you do. Their incredibly teeny tiny heads don't affect their intelligence because, if I remember correctly from 3rd grade or whatever, it's the folds in the brain that link to intelligence not the size of the brain.

However...there are some things they can't do.

They may not be able to purchase a fitted cap. If they go to a batting cage or play little league their head will be too small for all helmets and will spend a lot of time pushing the brim up...for this reason you see very few Pea-Headed American baseball players. They can easily get their head stuck in a fence...I don't have statistics of this but I assure you if I had them they would be alarming.

I actually know these things because I too am a Pea-Headed American. I was made fun of in school for having a tiny head...well I'm not totally sure that's true, I was made fun of for being short but I wouldn't be surprised if someone called me a pea-head.

When going to find a fitted Cubs cap I was laughed at by the people in the store for having such a small head size, 6 3/4, that it was the smallest fitted size they had and they only ever sold it to kids.

I once even dated a girl who made fun of me when my bike helmet was so large on my head that I looked like a Star Destroyer Commander from Star Wars. I later married that woman and we had a Pea-Headed American child. I just hope she can be a little more sensitive with him.

So I ask you to think about Pea-Headed Americans tomorrow (or today, or yesterday blah blah blah) December 3rd, which I have decided to designate as National Pea-Headed American day.

You can even get a twibbon for facebook or twitter to show your support.

Thank you.

*of course no kid is ugly



4 comments:

  1. Haha, Bronwyn is a Pea-Head too. I'm not sure her current percentile, but I'm sure it's somewhere around 5%. Her doc and I actually had that conversation that it makes her look like small version of a full size human.

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  2. Holla at my fellow pea-headed Americans. I too suffer from this affliction, as does my daughter.

    Anyways, it's not the size that counts, it's how you use it.

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  3. I'm glad people are able to talk about this. Did you know in the Middle ages they would force Pea-Headed Medievalians to dance in the streets for money? They were not allowed to have jobs or marry.

    That could almost be true.

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  4. ThePerfectHeadMarthaDecember 7, 2010 at 7:12 PM

    My son Tegans head? In the 95%. Dumb as a box of rocks. He can't even take Braden's hat hand me downs. He needs full blown adult. At three. So let's all consider the other end. The Hulk Head. This head too has it's disadvantages. Just think of the splunking that he is going to miss out on. He will be banned from bleacher seats because it will cause loss of field view. Yes, Hulk Heads have their own set of problems.

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