smonk you: the best freaking daddy blog ever

It seems like a lot of parents of toddlers biggest pride is their kid can recite the ABCs... They strut out like a trained seal and say "Say your alphabet." I've been accosted by these alphabet spewing kids too many times to count... And it's freaking annoying. I feel like they're trying yo impress me... I feel like I should reach into my pocket and throw some spare change in the kid's hat... Too bad none threw one down before hand. It means absolutely nothing. It's memorization. It's a song. A mnemonic but really it's a completely... Not like counting. But I think parents feel that because their kid can say their alphabet that they are changing the diapers of the next Einstein. This post isn't just about me bitching... Although I felt I had to throw that in so you all can spare the world of having to hear it... It's about the other morning when MF was playing with his magnet letters... He knows a fair amount of them and Staci was ...

We went looking for bikes yesterday... His legs are so super tiny that even most balance bikes are too small... Luckily if he grows about an inche he'll be able to ride the smallest Novara kid's bike... But he was a bit bummed that he couldn't buy a bike... And so was I... And this crappy little skateboard was only $18 (in reality I'd never buy a regular board or bike from anywhere than a board or bike store. Toy and Big box store gear sucks). We took it home... He's still too young for this, can't balance while kicking and doesn't get the idea of kicking... But damn he loves it... It was his chair at the snack table this morning...

Since I can't get to sleep until it's quite late I find myself watching movies at night since post-prime time television kind of sucks... I should also mention that late used to mean 2 or 3 in the AM but now with the kid and my age it means midnight... And I should mention that midnight is 12:00 which means it's actually morning... People always say things like "I need that by midnight tonight". There are two things wrong with that... People don't often say that and midnight would have already passed. That being said an unnamed online streaming company keeps me entertained... Unnamed because they kind fo suck now that they spun off their DVD service and that they are now less concerned with streaming movies than TV shows even though 'flix' is in the name of the company. Any how I find myself watching a lot of documentaries because real life is often more entertaining and less believable than scripts. That's how I found myself watching a mov...

I'm killing the blog... Kind of... It all comes down to time and energy really... And while I love writing on this blog I don't feel that I have the time to write really good stuff anymore... And there are a shit load of sites out there with really crappy stuff on them and I don't want to add to the noise... On a side note I find it odd that some of those sites with crappy stuff are quite popular... But I suppose one dog's crap is another dog's meal. I learned this lesson this morning as my dog was chomping on another dog's poo while leaving a little gift of her own on the lawn. The circle of life. And I'm not totally killing it... I'll try to write one post a week and post it on Monday but if I have nothing good to say I won't post. I have a few good posts in my head already so I know this isn't the last. And I promised a joke so here it goes... kind of... It's the first joke MF told. The setup: Staci was reading MF a book called...

In some industries at the the last century 48 hours without an injury was probably pretty good. That seems like a fact, probably is a fact, but I have no idea if it is... But it probably is. That doesn't really matter though. The deal is Staci was gone for the weekend it is was a bachelor weekend for me and the kid... And we had an awesome time. Lots of park time, tricycle rides and some general boy stuff (doing things we shouldn't do). And then on Sunday night I called my sister to see if she'd want to Skype with MF... The call went like this;  "Do you want to Skype? Oh shit he just jumped off the couch and split his lip. Lots of blood. Call you back." Split lips always seem worse than they are... Lots of blood, little damage. So I got a cold pack on his lip and we were back in action... As I was getting him water he grabbed my phone from my pocket, ran to the couch and jumped off. Bam... Eye to the edge of our glass table. It was only 48 hours into ...

I've been MIA this week because last Friday my grandfather died... He was an awesome man .  I could write about him but that doesn't seem like the thing to do... Instead I'll write an open letter to Delta about my experience booking my flights to Cleveland... Because it was ridiculously horrible and is why I will never buy a ticket from them again. And that's the loss that this post is about. Dear Delta My recent trip started with some shuffling of frequent flyer miles so I could book my wife and child's tickets with reward miles. My ticket was going to be a bereavement fare. When booking a bereavement you have to do it on the phone so I called up your customer service line... I explained to the CS person that I wanted to book a bereavement fare for me and book my wife and two-year old's tickets with two different rewards miles accounts. My wife, son and I were going to have the same outbound flight times/days but return days would be different. ...

I've been doing a series of posts sponsored by VapoRub the last few months (my faves are when MF mistakes the inner ear for noodles  and the story of when he became a teenage girl ). Each one dealt with the fact that little kids carry a sickness like nothing else... And I got it each time The Kid was sick. You hear about it all the time pre-kid... Parents talk of how crazy sick they get when their kid goes to school or daycare for the first time and brings home the most unnatural sicknesses ever. But it's hard to understand how bad it is. And this time, I think, I kicked it... Technically I still have a cough from the last time I was sick but it's diminished. I decided to go old school. Countless tablets of vitamin C and a ton of garlic have found their way into my life the last month in hope that it would stave off his next cold (or whatever that horribleness can be called). And it worked. I'm happy to say his nose was running like crazy... I touched probably se...