I Don't Even Know Why We Have A Fucking Bedroom For The Kid

By kenny friedman on Friday, February 24, 2012

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So yeah... We've been cosleeping... And not because we're some freaking hippies that think that's the only harmonious way to keep our family close.


Because that's how I saw cosleeper families in the past... And maybe how I see them currently. Not that I have anything against hippies or anything but as a totally non-judgemental person I like putting people into buckets and then judging them without really knowing all the facts... I'm an American.

It all started when we went back to the way that actually helped put him to sleep consistently. We'd read a few books and then lay with him in his room until he dozed off. But things changed a bit... 

First off every night he'd wake after 2-6 hours and want to come in our bed... It's so much easier to grab a kid's things and plop him in the middle than to deal with screaming for hours... Especially when you're half asleep... Plus it's kind of nice to have your kid sleep with you.

And he slept so much better and later... He became happier at school because he was rested... We were rested it was a win win.

Then he started hating me. I mean not totally... Just in any way that dealt with me putting him to bed. So if it was my turn it would inevitably become a huge crying fest which led to Staci having to save me... Once when he was so riled up we let him go right to bed with us... I should add he was also sick so that was a factor but still...

Plus I watch him as tries to sleep and I see his struggle and I sympathize for him... He has a really tough time going to sleep and he does some of the same things I remember doing; running up a wall... literally his feet 90 degrees up the wall, he bats at his pillow, or plays with his hands or other things I used to do because my mind was rushing and I couldn't sleep. I couldn't bare watching so bringing him in was easy because we thought it would soothe.

It was the tiny hole in the damn that made it impossible to stop. And so now he goes to sleep with us and his room is unused.

I should just throw his stuff out of the room and make it a little zen place for us... Because at this point I need one.

Or I could just put a bunch of pinball machines in his room. There are a few I'd love to get but we don't have the space... If he stops sleeping in there I'll pick some up and fill the room with them. And really he'd be able to sleep under them anyway so it makes sense. 

But I've kind of hit a wall. Three nights ago I fell asleep at 8:30 while trying to get him to sleep... Yeah I was rested but actually too rested. Two nights ago it was the same but I woke at 10:30 and was able to adjust... Yesterday I woke at 1AM... I'm going nutso.

It all hit a head tonight when he wouldn't sleep. We let him go to the alcove and play but he brought Legos in the bed. Then he tried to bring in an art thing. Then more toys... He was so hepped up. And I just wanted to go downstairs, take the dog out and read a book. Now it's freaking late for the dog to go, it's cold as F outside (not his fault) and I'm too hepped up to read. And netflix sucks (also not his fault).

Staci was able to get him to sleep as I brave the super cold with the dog... And almost got frostbite on my ear I think... Seriously it's cold. 

I feel that if he was in his room he'd still be hepped but he'd play and go to his bed and not bother us... I don't know. But we can't figure out how to get him in to sleep in his room.

Cry it out absolutely works for him... It takes three days of complete hell but then he goes to sleep... But a week and a half later he cries again so that's out.

We tried melatonin at a doctor's suggestion. That totally worked but it was meant to be temporary and I feel really uncomfortable giving him something that his body should learn to produce on it's own.

Ferber and all that crap does not work on this kid.

Really that reading and waiting for him to sleep thing was best... But we screwed the pooch on that one by letting him sleep with us that first time... Where's a hot tub time-machine when you need one?

I don't know what is going to happen. What we'll change. But I know this isn't working. It's riling me up now so I can't sleep and it's letting a good room go to waste.



5 comments:

  1. I feel you. Our co-sleeping was more intentional...part of an effort to be somewhat attachment parenting oriented but mostly because it made night-time breastfeeding a hell of a lot more convenient.

    But, it a manner similar to you, we regretted later that we didn't find a way to nip it in the bud earlier.

    My wife spent a good 1.5 to 2 years cosleeping with her, while I slept elsewhere. Hard enough for her to sleep with insomnia and a kid frequently nursing and rolling around without me being there.

    Then sleep deprivation became too much for her so I was in what was to be the kiddo's room, sleeping with her on a kind of pallet on the floor for another 1.5 years or so.

    So, somewhere between 3 and 4 years of the parents hardly ever in the same bed with each other and no one sleeping that well. Plus, with my 1.5 year (or so) shift being on the floor, albeit with some padding between me and it, my back was a fucking wreck.

    Here's hoping you can win your freedom and get the kid into his own room sooner than we managed.

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  2. So...........yeah.
    Um.
    Ok.
    Here's a few things I did for each kid.

    Put a baby gate up at our door. I put it about 4 inches up so he couldn't climb it. He would sleep outside it on the hall floor. He eventually would not come into our room at night any more.

    Gave him a glow stick to sleep with at night. Target has 15 of them in this package for $1

    Gave him a mini desktop disco ball to sleep with at night. Found at walgreens. Tegan seems to have to fall asleep watching something. He has also used a light up snowglobe that has a fan in it and the shit flies around in it.

    Do an activity with him in the dark before he falls asleep. Crayola glowstation. We also have the crayola globe light up thing. You can draw pictures on there with him at night before bed and then have it on for him to watch in his room as he falls asleep.

    Teach him to read on his own.

    Yeah. Sorry. It sucks but know that part of it is him playing you. Hard.

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  3. I agree with Martha. He's playing you. When your kid is old enough to talk and understand you, they are old enough to understand the rules. They also need to see that you and Mommy like to be together - with privacy.

    Our son slept with us 'till he was one and then we put him in his crib. All was well until he got his big boy bed and could get out on his own. He'd get out for all sorts of reasons. We kept sending him back, but he'd find a reason to try again. The thing that worked best was talking to him about our expectations, and what would happen if he did well and if he didn't. We'd do stickers or some reward for a good night and he'd lose a privilege (like playing with his trains) if he got up. It took about 4 days or so and he stopped.

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  4. My almost 23 month old sleeps with us still. We gave up awhile ago. Problem is we are having another one at the end of July. So, shit has got to change. I fall asleep every night with him at 9:30pm. I miss my time on the couch watching that 70 show and office repeats on netflix. My husband I am sure misses rubbing my feet on the couch. I do not want to go to sleep every night including weekends at 9:30pm. I am 32. Not 52. My son owns us. We have allowed it to happen. We are wimps and could not handle the cry it out. I am so grateful that we did not but his crib. I would be super pissed. We did though make him a super sweet bedroom.

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  5. What's worked for us has been a super-consistent routine -- bath, diaper, PJ's, white noise, blankie, crib. Every night, the exact same thing. My 22-month old totally knows the drill and goes down for bedtime and naptime really easily. If she does wake up, sometimes she'll fuss for a while and then go back to sleep on her own, but if not (this is not very frequent -- maybe once a week? sometimes twice? she was sleeping through always, but I think the 2-year molars threw everybody for a loop) I'll bring her to bed, no talking, no nothing, and then my husband will transfer her back out to the crib after 15 or 20 minutes. It's maybe not ideal, but we're all pretty well rested and I figure she'll grow out of it.

    Good luck -- night waking sucks.

    The No-Cry Sleep Solution is okay (not fantastic, but a lot less crappy than other sleep books) if you're into reading up on parenting-type stuff.

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