Wisdom about babies from a friend, an old man and a random girl

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, October 14, 2009

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The Friend:
Early this week we went to a good friend's house, she has 2 kids, 19 and 16. Staci told her we were thinking of taking a birth class. I've heard a bunch of things about these classes...it's mostly that they are a waste of time.

Our friend agreed the class is a waste...here is some of the wisdom she gave us.

On burping the baby: you don't really need to do it like you did before...the new bottles make it less necessary...you know what you're doing with that, you don't need to learn.

On bathing the baby: you put the baby in the cute whale tub...the baby hates the cold water...you fight the babies squirming and it comes out clean.

On labor: Kenny will tell you to breathe...you say shut the fuck up...and then you have the baby.

And that realistic outlook and sarcasm is why she's our friend...

The Old Man:
This weekend we went to my hometown and got to spend time with my family. My grandfather (96) was so excited to see Staci pregnant. When he saw her he smiled, looked at me and said to her, "you're not big at all." Then he said it two more times both while looking at me. It kind of looked like I told her that she was big. I have said some bad stuff but this was one thing I didn't say.

He then was discussing our ages, me 36 and her 34, which in his days was super late to have a baby. He told me that I'd be too old for the PTA...not really sure what that meant...I'm thinking he meant I'd be the oldest...we'll see.

He was also giddy about his new girlfriend.it was cute. She's a bit younger then him at 91 but that shouldn't be a problem. The cool thing is that they dated 70 years ago.

The Random Girl
While home we went to a local kid's store. There was a girl there who had a doll in a stroller. My mom asked the girl what her doll's name was...let's pretend the girl answered "Matzoh"...my mom then looked at Staci and said how about "Matzoh" if it's a girl...Staci said that is the name we have picked out for a girl (didn't realize we hadn't told her.)

Then Staci asked the girl's mom if she knew a "Matzoh" from class or anything...the mom knows no one of that name. It was freaky.



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