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Things I never thought I'd say

Part of the collateral damage of having children is stringing words together in a way that you never thought you would.

Here's some things I've said the last few weeks:
  • "What made you think pouring granola over your head was a good idea?"
  • During the diaper change that happened right after: "let me get that granola off your penis."
  • "Why are you smooshing a sweet potato into your knee?"
  • "You can put your balls on the table but don't let Kalli (our dog) eat them again." It was mozzarella.
  • "That's not the (female) dog's belly button."
  • "Don't tell mommy I taught you that." I forget what it was... 
  • "They cat doesn't want to take the aardvark for a ride."
  • "Why did you pee on my pillow?"
  • Followed by: "it's not funny."
  • Followed by: "it wasn't funny the first time, it's not funny this time."
  • "Tell your doggy to go potty." It's a wooden pull toy he takes out when I take out our dog.
  • "Putting your foot in your oatmeal was not an uh oh."
  • "The platypus says... Well I don't know what the platypus says."
  • "Look, I went poopy on the potty" Not my finest hour... Don't judge.
  • "Don't splash in Kalli's water." 
  • Followed by: "Why are you drinking water out of the carpet?"
  • "No, no, no. Love you. No." I forget what he was getting into. 

So what are the things you thought would never come out of your mouth? (That question is me being social in the social media space... How about that?)

Comments

  1. I really should have kept a log all these years. "Do not put your penis on my phone" comes to mind.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have said many things i swore I'd never say, but I still refuse to say "use your words."

    ReplyDelete
  3. @C I've already said use your words. But we stopped that. Although today I did say "look at you using your words that I'm not sure are even technically words"

    ReplyDelete

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