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I have that Larry David disease.

I'm not sure what it's called but I have that Larry David disease. Or is it a disorder?

I have a knack for making situations uncomfortable with the sole purpose to humor me. I often can't turn it off but that's a given since it's a disease... Or disorder.

There are times at parties where Staci's sole job is to apologize to pre-warn people that I'm sarcastic, have no filter and bored. The ones she doesn't get to on time get an apology from her later.

I hate small talk. It's boring. So I push things to the edge of awkward... But the scientist in me thinks that I can't know where the edge of awkward is until I cross the line. Then I can say I was right.

Side note: It's like the time I was at Bingo and I was squeezing the dabber so hard that I knew if I squeezed anymore it would burst. There was only one way to find out if I was right. A tiny little squeeze. Let me tell you that that dabber ink can fly. I'd feel bad for getting it all over the coat of the woman near me but it was fur. I left without her noticing... So if she's reading this, 17 years after the fact, I'm sorry.

Awhile ago I thought of getting releases made up, like a model release, and have folks I talk to sign them. Actually I think this is a fantastically hilarious idea because it would freak people out. And so I'm now that I remember the idea I'm kind of compelled to have them made... They'd also include a goodbye because in party type situations I rarely say goodbye.

But what's the point you ask? Here's how the disease and/or disorder has been manifesting itself lately.

When I'm out with Miloh people always say he's cute. Because he is.

But when someone says "hi cutie" to him I reply "Hey there" in a way that makes them think that I  thought they were talking to me. Because I think it's funny. They think I think they were flirting... But I don't, especially when they bend down to see him. It's more funny when they say to Miloh "Aren't you a cutie" and I answer " Why yes I am." Once I even said " Oh, you mean him."

It kind of freaks people out. Especially when Staci and I are out shopping and the salesperson thinks I'm hitting on them . But really it's the stores fault. Put a Wii in your store and I won't be bored off my ass just looking for a way to entertain myself... And it's entertaining to me to fuck with people.

Moral of the story: If you're a salesperson and someone, who looks like me, does this please get me your discount. Thanks

Comments

  1. i think this is pretty much a guy thing... at least some guys. or the guys i know. my husband embarrasses me on a daily basis.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm not sure why you are calling this a condition. It seems to me all your responses were appropriate if not accurate.

    ReplyDelete

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