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Nighttime through the eyes of Miloh

I'm super fascinated by brains of kids at the age Miloh is (9 months-ish). He babbles a lot and it's hard to tell if he's content with his babble, and our smiles that it gets, or if he's trying to communicate.

Later you can see that a kid is trying to communicate and gets frustrated because he/she can't. Now is a weird sweet spot where I just can't figure what's going on in their brain.

So I thought I'd write what Miloh could be thinking from when I get home from work until he goes to bed.

This of course he he has mastered the English least in goes:

Oh, there's that dude that lives here. Hey lady, did you see that? The dude that lives here just came home.

Hah, the dog is going nuts, she's funny. Look at her, she can't stop wiggling. Am I the only one seeing this? Hey folks are you seeing this? This is cracking me up.

Why did the dude pick me up? I'm sitting here watching this dog and having a good time when this dude decides to pick me up.

Oh...this is nice, I like when he holds me...but seriously why did you pick me up dude. Eff this I'm done, put me down. You know I can wiggle out of your grasp.

Oooohh...I'm going in the orange chair. Dinner. I've been sitting for 3 seconds...where are my Cheerios? I'm gonna bang on this thing til I get me...oh good, Cheerios.

What's for dinner? Goody, the orange stuff...I also would have accepted the pale green stuff.

Wait, hold up...where's the dog? I can't eat unless the dog is...what's this strap do? I can't reach it...hey lady I'll take a bit but then hold on...there's a strap on this chair and I need to figure out where it goes...oh shit, I forgot about the Cheerios.

Someone needs to make these easier to get in your mouth. I mean it's like I have one in my hand, bring it to my mouth then everything goes to hell. I'm batting 500 getting these in my mouth and I know it's not my fault. What does batting 500 even mean?

Hold up...ok one more hold up. There's another strap on this chair. This one's between my legs. I...can' mouth. Too far away. What if I bend like this?

I see you do have that pale green stuff. Can I have some? Awesome, thanks...this shit rocks...I'm gonna scarf it down...where's my water? No seriously where's my water? I'm not going to ask again...where is my freaking...oh thanks. This is some good stuff.

Wanna see this? I'm gonna throw the water cup on the ground and you'll pick it up. Here goes...see, you picked it up...oh Cheerio. I love these Cheerios...cup's on the ground, pick it up..hah. Hey doggy, lick my hands off...hold up, why are you wiping my hands? Don't you know their mouths are clean?

Cup's on the ground again, cup's on the ground, it's on the ground, hey...cup's on the ground.

Yeah lady...A shut up stick...I love these because they get you and that dude to shut up.

Hey lady want some? Do you?, c'mon why can't I get this in your mouth? Do you even know how to eat? Oh, there, good. Now bite down. Oh my god. Oh my god. This is awesome. You're eating. This is seriously good stuff. Let me try it again.'re still eating. Hey, hey, hey dude did you see this? The lady's eating...freaking hilarious. I'm not kidding this is the funniest thing I've ever seen...I can't breath, no really I'm laughing so hard I can't I the only one seeing this? Why is no one laughing. This is some funny stuff...I can't control my self. Do you understand how funny this is? This lady, the one right here is eating stuff I'm putting in her mouth. Epic.

I'm done. No more. Don't try to push anymore food in my mouth. OK, maybe I'll grab a Cheerio but that's it.

Dude's picking me up again..don't you know I can crawl? Still, not a terrible way to travel. Sweet...bath time.

I'll just climb into the tub. Hey, why are you pulling me down? I know we're going in there. I'll assume it was a mistake and climb back in...DUDE...seriously why won't you let me climb in. I'll just go over to the toilet...hah...I knew that would get you get me naked and toss me in.

Yeah...that's what I'm talking about...warm bath...splash splash splash...where's that little rubber fish, no not the orange one I wan the purple...I think I can grab that whale on the faucet. I took it off once and if I stand up I should be able to get it. What does "we sit when we're in the tub" mean? You keep saying that. Every time I'm about to do something cool you say that. Does it mean "Sorry but I won't let you do anything cool?" because it kind of seems like it.

Oh...I like that lathery I'm getting out. No, I'm getting out. I don't know what you mean by "we sit when we're in the tub." OK just get that lather off me quick, I'm getting out. I'm halfway out. Dude I was halfway out...yeah I know I'm all clean...why do you have to tell me I'm all clean...there it is again..."we sit when we're in the tub." Do you get paid every time you say that? Because you say it a lot.

Yeah we're out...I'm mean I loved the bath and all but I was done a bit's freaking cold...still I'm not gonna let you dry me off. Oh, well that's kind of nice, being wrapped like a burrito (whatever that is) so I'm over it...let me crawl.

I'm so freaking really i'm tired. Where's my bottle. Thanks. Really? Are you really going to try to out me up there and get a diaper on me? Have you now been paying attention the last few months. OK, you got me up here but I'm just going to grab that bin of diapers...if I can just grab that bin...I'm going to flop over to grab it. Oh man, don't flip me around I had that bin...oh, bottle I forgot about that. Damn, you got the diaper on...nice job distracting me with the bottle.

Now you want to take the bottle? Are you serious? You gave me the bottle and now you want to take it...oh, I get it you just wanted to shove my arm into the PJs...that's cool. I thought we were doing just one arm. We're doing both? no one told me.

Let's go over what has happened in the last 5 minutes. you gave me a bottle, you took away my bottle to shove my arm in the PJs. You gave me back my bottle, you took away my bottle and now it's back. I know I was crying before the bottle but there must be another way.

Yeah, book...I like the dog book. One question though. What dog eats beets? I doubt a dog would eat spinach but I know a dog wouldn't eat a beet. I'm done with the book. I'm so more book.

I'll finish my bottle...just a bit more...I'll...zzzzzz. Why are you moving me? I was asleep in your lap and now you move me. You get a minute of tears for that one. Waaaah...oh, so sleepy. Can't stay awa.....

Did you not think I'd here you leave? That door is squeaky. Weren't you going to fix that? I'm up. Put me in my bed but it won't work...I'm up.

Lying next to me does this...I'll crawl over sleepy...zzzz.

C'mon. Why couldn't I sleep half on you half on the bed. Isn't that the point of this crazy floor bed? I get independence or something? I want to sleep on you.

One second...there's a book over there I wanted to "ssshhhh" I gotta get that book. Don't hold me back...ahhh...the book with the rabbit I can touch...zzzzzz.

For your information I know you're moving me but I choose not to fight it. I'll get you tomorrow. Good night.


  1. Oh man this is the best thing I've ever read. I was laughing so hard. One of Leyton's most favorite things in the world is watching me eat tortilla chips. He laughs until he cries. He's only 5 months, but I would imagine him saying a lot of these things. Fantastic!

  2. Sounds like you and I have similar bedtime routines - and I have a super-funny dog, too!

  3. Awesome job, Miloh. You spelled the words right, and everything! (Baby's First Guest Post!)

  4. OMG the bath conversations cracked me up! Milo hit it right on the head.

  5. Miloh and my son would have the most fascinating conversations together.


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