Skip to main content

Open Letter to Moosejaw

I was on Moosejaw's site and I saw Cottage Cheese in the secondary nav so I clicked it. Not sure why I clicked it because I hate cottage cheese as it's really gross looking.

On that cottage cheese page I saw a thing called Moosejaw Humans of Influence in which they will name a piece of clothing after you. So since I'm batting 500 with my open letters I knew this situation called for another.

Dear People of Moosejaw (with some extra love towards Sam)

Let me start by saying you look fantastic today. No seriously. Did you cut your hair? No, that's not it...maybe that's a new shirt you're wearing. I'm not really sure what it is but I gotta say you look amazing (some may say "fantastic") today.

I saw that Humans of Influence page on your site and I thought to myself "this is a great way for me, out of the kindness of my heart, tell folks about Moosejaw while getting a hoodie (or something else) named after me (or more specifically named smonk you)."

To be honest there are couple things I don't know about the whole it still open? Well if it isn't you'll want to reopen it. Also are we talking just influence to Moosejaw, because while I do talk you up a lot I probably haven't added much value to you.

But if we're talking influence in general, influence is as broad as something that is quite broad. And I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass because I don't smoke and your ass is no where near me.

You're probably saying to yourself "wow, is Kenny from smonk you really emailing me? This is the best day of my life." or if you don't have the internet and are receiving this email or reading this post via a print out from a friend you might be asking "who the hell is this Kenny guy from smonk you?"

Well in the unlikely case that the latter is true I'll tell you of my huge influence:

  • When I was a barista and was 2400 miles away from where I worked some dude recognized me on the street and told me I made the best mochas he's had. Bonus points there because I was in Seattle at the time.
  • My other blog has 2 posts about the great texts you used to send. It would have driven a ton of traffic to your site had I linked to you. I apologize that I didn't. But to be honest I'm not sure you can handle the traffic from the 20 people that go to that one each month.
  • I'm BFFs with Kristen Bell...okay maybe not BFFs but we're definitely BFs
  • I popularized the fake retweet and recently sold 3 retweets for $3.25 in an incredibly heated ebay auction battle. That's almost a $1.10 each. 
  • I need to be honest Kristen Bell and I are just Fs
  • When I asked my twitter followers how they think I've been an HOI. Here are just a few of the answers I received: (this is where you'd hear crickets chirping)
  • I have had a number* of people come to my website through a search for "a picture of someone being adventurous." Your brand is about adventurous people. *that number is 1
  • A large number* people come to my site looking for instruction on how to swaddle a cat *size of number varies depending on the font size used.
  • I feel like I may have mislead you about my relationship with Kristen Bell...we might not technically even be Fs...but we did trade tweets a few times #BeatThat
  • Oh, and I invented pump toothpaste. Remember that? Yup I invented it as a child...seriously. Then before I had a chance to shop the idea around it went to market but I was a year ahead of that (at least). And we know how huge of an influence pump toothpaste has been in the daily lives of all humans.

So yeah...if you're looking for more Humans of Influence you need look no further. I am Human. And I have influence.

I'm cool with grabbing naming rights of the Leonard Smalls Hoody and changing it to the Fabulous Smonk You Hoody (or you can name it after my son and call it the MC Friedman). While Mr. Smalls is a great character I think we both know I could kick his ass.

Oh, and if my super impressive resume of influence (half of which wasn't even influence) doesn't seal the deal I think the video below will.

Because if you don't name a hoody Smonk You (or MC Friedman) my son Miloh will cry...and could you really live with yourself making this kid, who giggles like crazy, cry?

Even though you should be thanking me I will end with the a courtesy thank you and say I can't wait to be hearing from you.

Thank you
Kenny Friedman

Yeah, you could wear me. The lovely folk at Moosejaw named a soft shell jacket after me. And totally unbiasedly it's the best soft shell I've ever worn.

Updated update:
It's no longer for sale because the season is up... Sad


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Cat in the Hat Knows Pretty Much Nothing About That

I find myself saying it a lot but we don't let Miloh watch a lot of TV... Mostly because it goes a bit against Montessori at home (although we're pretty reform with that) and also because we, read I, watch too much and we don't want Miloh in the habit. On the list of things he does watch is The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That. Netflix is our friend in the mornings so he will get a bit of that or Sesame Street while the person who's on duty that AM tries to actually wake up. And Miloh truly loves the show. He calls it hat and pats his head. He let's us know that there's a fish on screen every time the fish comes on screen, he dances and says "Go, go, go" when they sing that song. Unfortunately since we really only watch on Netflix we've only seen eight episodes... But this gives me time to really think about the show. Here are some problems with it: The Cat in the Hat actually really knows almost nothing about everything. He does

New Giveaway: ABC's for Expectant Dads - 10 awesome copies

Winners have been picked for the giveaway. Todd was so nice as to give all who entered by the deadline a copy of his book. Thanks all who entered...I sent an email to you for your info. Please email me (info on the header) if you don't get that email. Rommel I could not find your email...please let me know your contact info. A bit ago I found Todd Lieman in Twitterland and he sent me a copy of his book ABC's for Expectant Dads: The Ultimate A- for Dads-in-Training. I'd looked at a bunch of expectant dad books and I thought most were terrible. I did pick up The Expectant Father and I liked it but I haven't looked at it in months. I think it's tough for dad's because we're just reading about what's going on with the mothers and it's easier to hear it from them. Staci is reading so much that she keeps me up to date on things I should know and I'm sure most expectant moms are the same. I'm also luckily in that doing this blog has connected

Dear Scott the Paleontologist – the response... Wait sorry... the awesome response

In my last post I asked some incredibly pressing questions to Dr. Scott Sampson aka Scott the Paleontologist. Questions that any parent of a Dinosaur Train fan wants to know... I got a reply and I have to say Dr. Scott is hilarious and pretty awesome... But I'm a fan of science humor... So here are his responses in line with mine. They're in blue because that's the color of most of  Shiny Pteranodon. Dear Scott the Paleontologist, My son Miloh and I are fans of Dinosaur Train and as an avid fan I have some questions regarding it that I hope you can answer: The train is a steam engine. Does it run off coal? If it does use coal is there a possibility that greenhouse gases from that could have lead to the extinction of dinosaurs? How come this isn't a theory? Very interesting question. Yes, to the best of my knowledge, the Dinosaur Train runs on fossil fuels, but we actually do have an episode upcoming where we investigate alternative fuel trains. Given that