Aw Shit... We Forgot To Do A Holiday Letter: The Letter

By kenny friedman on Tuesday, December 27, 2011

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It was a couple days before Thanksgiving when I remembered we didn't do holiday cards this year... That's when we got our first card from a friend. We forget every year. Staci will usually send out some nice cards but we haven't done the family thing... With pics of us and MF.

I feel like that's what you're supposed to do... So I thought I'd do one.

First I had to look back at the best ones I've gotten through the years... And the best are the ones that are total BS... Where it feels like the people live in Whoville (pre-grinch of course) where everything is perfect and their kid is a genius... Then I had to look at a site to get some info on what to write (since I have none in front of me)... And so I give you our Holiday letter,



Dear Family and Friends (or should I say Friends and Family? I'm not sure if it's in order of importance or not and then does the most important go first and last? Maybe just read that part as Dear ____ and put your name in the blank. Then it's more personal and you feel like I care more... Yeah so do that please. Thanks)

Happy Holidays to you! We hope the past year has brought you many blessings.

As you know I don't normally use exclamation points but I copy and pasted that sentence straight from another site because I thought it fit well. I used the whole thing because I don't want to pretend I'm pawning it off as my own only for you to find out and start comparing me to James Frey.

It's not that I have anything against exclamation points it's that I think they're over used and really I wouldn't use one in that sentence. It's not all that exciting.

We had an exciting year in 2011. The kid started school and got sick a ton. He was getting sick at a level twice his age. He's talking up a storm but that his spoken vocabulary doesn't even come close to his written skills. He's written 14 books and self published them as ebooks. Honestly they aren't the best stuff I've written but for a kid under two I'm told they're rather advanced.

He's selling the books for 99¢ a piece and the thing with ebooks is people will buy crap if it's cheap so he sold about $1.4 million worth of books this year. Don't think all that money goes to him. There are fees and such that bring it down to just above $1 million.

We put $1000 of that money in a college account for him but I had a hunch so we took the rest down to the casino and put it on 27 on the roulette wheel. 14 came up. I'm not really sure what happened, the hunch was so strong.

When he's not writing he enjoys soccer of course... Every kid does. He's the best on his team and was recruited by the LA Galaxy. We told them he'll have to wait a year and a half until he's out of the toddler room in school. We really feel that education is important.

Kenny got a new job! He basically sits around all day and tells people when to use exclamation points. It's a new field but we really feel that Exclamation Point Pointing Out is going to take off this year.

Kenny also watched the whole series of Cheers on netflix (well not the whole series because netflix is so lame and is missing 20 episodes. We're very proud of him.

Staci signed up to do a triathlon this year. She signed up really well. You should have seen her it was amazing. MF and I were there with signs of support the whole time... We didn't get any pics because we were so in the moment. She knows we have a lot of love for her... At least she better or this paragraph will get me in trouble. (Side note... Staci, I love you).

This winter has been fantastic. It was the first year MF really played in the snow and understood it. We taught him which snow you can eat and which you can't. We also let him know to ask folks if the snow on their lawn is free-trade, organic, non-GMO and if it has trans fats.

Oh, and he said "fuck" once... But we were able to steer him away from saying it so we believe it was a one time incident. I don't want to blame anyone for that but if I did we'd blame Staci for allowing the kid to be in the car with Kenny. Really it's quite irresponsible. And it's not his fault that Minnesotan drivers are so horrible that it makes him yell such things.

Happy Holidays would be a bit redundant to close on but that's what we'll end with...
Love (if applicable) The Friedman Family



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