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When Cuddling Goes Gross

This is another post in my VapoDad series since the good folks at VapoRub are shooting me a bit of cash to write whatever I want.



I don't normally take showers at 11:40 PM but had you broken into my house a few weeks back that's where you would have found me. I used to shower late at night actually, doing stuff in the morning was unheard of pre-kid. Some people thought it was gross to take showers at night but I don't really buy that... But that's not why I switched... It's because the whole thing where MF wakes up if I even step to loudly in the middle of the night. A shower would asure a kid waking.

And while I'm sure you're incredibly interested in my showering habits that's not what this post is about.

It was a couple weeks back when MF spewed a bit while being put to sleep. Stomach flu was going around his class and he wanted to keep up with everyone so he of course caught it.

After some clean up he moved to our bed and went to sleep.

Then an hour later he was up and puking again. Staci grabbed a bowl lined with a plastic bag because that's what they do in her family... I'm not sure what we did growing up but I think it was just a plain bucket or bowl. No plastic bag.

The toilet is the target for us of course since we're older... Also aren't you glad you're reading this post about vomit, toilets and me showering in the middle of the night? The answer should be yes because when it wins a Pulitzer you'll be able to say you read it first.

The reality is a toddler doesn't get the whole "hit the bowl" thing... And he was super sick and sad and quite pathetic but he pulled through.

The third time he got up in the middle of the night was around 11:25. He just wanted to be cuddled and he jumped into my arms. Staci offered the bowl but I took one for the team because that just seemed like the right thing to do.

He grabbed on and leaned his head on me. I thought we'd be all good... Then he puked... On me... Three times.

And it was warm... And wet... And gross... But he was comforted. And a few minutes later I was in the shower.

This isn't an isolated incident... I've caught puke before and earned a badge.

It's not something I'd enjoy... It's not something I'd do for anyone else... It's not something I'd ever thought I would do in the first place... But when it's your kid it's different, right?

It happened one more time that night but a towel on my shoulder caught the goods, which were low in volume because the previous spews.

And two days later Staci and I caught the stomach bug... My heroic efforts where the reason I woke up on the bathroom floor in just shorts with my feet in the unfilled tub... I had puked and felt too crappy to walk back to our room.


Update:

I totally forgot to mention that the day before I got sick I was feeling a bit woozy. I thought maybe there was some carbon monoxide thing going on because I had just been cooking and it felt like carbon monoxide poisoning to me... Of course I don't know what that feels like but I suspected what I was feeling was CO poisoning.

I did the smart thing and brought our CO alarm downstairs and it started beeping... I replaced the batteries and it started beeping again.

I opened windows on that cold cold night, Staci and I got the kid out and I called 911, which is what you're supposed to do.

They came over and it was a little house party... In fact when Staci called for an update I said I was entertaining.

We had one police officer, two firefighters and three EMTs (but one was in training)... They took my vitals and checked for CO levels... There were none.

The deal is CO monitors need to be replaced every five years and they know this... They go off five years after first use (ours took about eight) and the fire depts get calls all the time about it because it's not like a fire alarm when the battery goes off... CO alarms do the same beep as a house full of CO.

In addition I learned that you should get a Nighthawk brand alarm (Kidde is made by them) because the fire dept says they are the best. Also get a digital one because they will tell you the actual level that the CO spiked at.

I know this knowledge basically saved your life and for that you're welcome.

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