A Totally Full Disclosure

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, December 07, 2011

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I few weeks back a twitter friend tweeted a link along with "this is why I think people have a hard time taking bloggers seriously. Are we all on the take?"

It was a link to a blogger's disclosure policy that was, well... Rather incredibly insanely long...

So I thought about my blog... I have done reviews in the very far past and received swag... I actually did allow some sponsored posts because the person who contacted me totally had me at "I know you're PR Unfriendly but..." And I am of course on my hunt for a free iPad (even though in reality I don't want/need one).

And thus (not sure if I'm using that correctly... Wisdom for Miloh: Pay attention in English class.) I feel compelled to write my own disclosure policy just so you all know the real intention behind my blog post and tweets.

While I hate to be that guy (although sort of love being that guy) I feel compelled to link to the original disclosure policy, that has 16 levels of compensation, that inspired this because it will help you understand my reason for this post... So read this now and then come back and read mine...

SmonkYou.com disclosure policy
This policy is valid from April 13th 1923 and may be changed at any time... Probably won't be changed but it may be. Smonkyou.com, authored by the wonderful Kenny Friedman, is the best freaking daddy blog ever written who can be reached at smonk@smonkyou.com. While emails are welcomed paypal payments to that address are more appreciated.

Conpensation
What is compensation really? Dictionary.com defines it as: the act or state of compensating.

Compensation Levels
Compensation levels will not be stated at all at the end of a post... Not because I'm hiding anything but because I'll probably forget to do it most of the time and I don't want all the pressure to remember. However it will be called out somewhere in the post unless it's a link to amazon or such... If it's a link like that I only get compensated if you then buy something so what you should do is click one of those links anytime you're going to purchase from there and then buy something expensive.

Compensation refers to cash, gift cards, free brownies, products, services, the eventual free iPod, random monkeys coming to my house for a play date with the kid or any such thing.

Level -3:  Kenny didn't even think of writing a post.


Level -2:  Kenny thought about writing a post but then got side tracked.


Level -1:  Kenny wrote a post and mentioned a product but did it out of the kindness of his heart because he likes the product... This might include mentioning Megabolt's new print which would make a sweet gift for a boy's room or such. Also the cash goes to a great project.

See what he did there? Kenny mentioned them, got paid nothing, received no "compensation" and the world did not end.

Also Kenny believes he can right off about $23,478 on his taxes because that's what he believes the mention is worth since he has that kind of power... And he think you can write stuff like that off, right?

Level -0.5:  Kenny wrote an open letter to a company asking for free stuff but didn't get it. Really Frito-Lay you can't send him a couple bags of sunflower seeds?

Level 0:  Kenny wrote a post but it didn't mention a product at all.

Level 1:  Kenny wrote a post while at a coffee house. He ordered a medium americano with just a little bit of water. He also said he wanted a caramel. He realized he wasn't charged for said caramel after he was already at home.

Level 2: Kenny wrote a post relevant to his blog and randomly inserted a link to something awesome in hopes you bought it and millions of dollars worth of other stuff so he got like 4% from that sale.

There is an alt to this where he linked to something kind of lame because he couldn't think of anything better.

Level 3: Kenny was compensated by placing a link to a product by some lame company who's offering him cash in exchange for that link. The post will most likely be a waste of your time to read and the product will most likely be blah.

Level 4: Kenny was given an extra apple pie at McDonalds when he bought one. Like he bought one and they gave him two even though it wasn't a "two for" promotion. And the dude just said "here take an extra." And it happened twice in two weeks from two different McDonalds.

Level 5: Kenny mentions a company and their apple pies and sends them a link to the post that mentions them in hopes they send him some giftcards for more pies even though he technically stole them (like that caramel... this is a pattern) and doesn't really go to that restaurant anyway since the aforementioned hypothetical incidents were years ago.

Level 6: Kenny writes a post in a coffee house and they give him the extra shot of espresso that they usually dump when you order a medium espresso. He tweets about how this is ridiculous and that he's either stealing (seriously a pattern) when this happens or getting screwed when it doesn't. I mean c'mon don't have three sizes of espresso and dump one shot from the middle size... Just have two sizes and charge the small and medium price... I'm talking to you Caribou Cofffee.

It would be considered Level -4 if he gets the medium and they don't give him the extra shot and Level -5 if he orders a large espresso... which he doesn't because he'd rather play the ponies with the medium.

Level 7: Kenny was provided a nice night out with his wife or friends in return for a mention of a product or review. In accordance with his PR Policy if said night out includes a movie he will be accompanied by Seth Green. If, I mean when, Seth attends the movie there is a fifty precent chance that he will buy the popcorn (because of alternating popcorn buying nights) however while that is compensation it will not be included in the compensation given and will not affect any review or mention.

Level 8: Kenny is procrastinating one night and reviews some companies on their website. In his review he threatens a company with theft if they don't meet his demands... Really this theft thing is getting out of hands. Someone should alert the authorities.

Anyway let's say hypothetically he says he's going to steal a salt shaker... If he were to somehow receive a salt shaker from said company he'd eventual get around to posting about it... But that's not gonna happen which is why it's hypothetical.

Level 9 (quest 2): There is a red ring in the upper left corner of the dungeon. To get to the room you need to go through a wall that looks solid and then go down a staircase.

Level 10: Kenny will enter a contest and totally forget about it. He will come home one day and see a coffee maker on his stoop. He'll mention the name of the coffee maker brand in a tweet saying he's totally baffled why it showed up randomly. Two months later he still won't remember what contest he entered. He will write a disclosure post mentioning the coffee maker and he'll use the word 'stoop.' He'll think to himself that it's really an odd word.

Level 11: He'll send some random company an open letter asking for something free and actually get the product. Then he'll mention them again in a subsequent post. Probably put a banner on his right sde bar. Realize he needs to add one for Pentax. And he'll mention that company a few other times because those companies that send him stuff totally rock.

Level 12: Housewares and linens

Level 13: Kenny does some sponsored posts and mentions your product in said post. Here is one example. Said post will be awesome and he won't write some crap about a product he doesn't like. Also he will probably spend the money on posters even though he said he'd put it into the kid's college account... Actually it is going to the kid minus maybe one poster for the kid that maybe not everyone in the house will like... But he needs good art, right?

Level 14: This post is for an app. You know that, unless stated, any app review post means Kenny was compensated by receiving the device that the app runs on. If he already has said device he will sell it and give the money to a worthy cause... Perhaps the human fund.

Level 15: Kenny is a shill for some company and tweets, posts and otherwise mentions them as much as he can. He will never tell anyone of this relationship and he will make millions from it. Even though he's now a multi-millionaire he'll still live a humble life because he's just that awesome.

Level 16: Kenny receives special treatment from a company because of a relationship that involves him posting about the company. For example he will get to use html 6 while everyone else is on html 5. He will get free mango juice from a restaurant because he's awesome (or because his kid is so freaking cute and it's for the kid any way and the kid knows it so gets mad if he takes a sip... But he will take a sip.)

Swag
If Kenny is given swag at a blog related conference or event it would be miraculous as he doesn't attend any. However if he gets unlazy he's going to submit an idea for Blogher 12 and you should all say you want to attend. If he did speak he would probably get a swag bag. In that case he'd throw most of it away because it's usually crap. With what's left he'd give a majority away and only keep maybe some electronics and a good travel coffee mug. A good travel coffee mug is defined by one that is not plastic and can go in the dishwasher... What's the point of a coffee mug that can't go in the dishwasher?

Oh, yeah... He won't consider that swag to be compensation.

Twitter
Kenny is as or more popular than Kim Kardashian on the twitter. It looks like he has a ton fewer followers than her but it's because he has so many that the numbers have rolled over...

That being said you can assume that anything he says on twitter is sponsored and that he got a minimum of $60,000 for the mention... like this one. Seriously Jesse LeDoux pays me $100,000 a month to mention him a minimum of three times. He said his ROI is over 1000 percent.

Kenny also asks all new twitter followers to pay him $10 a year. Sadly it's hard to police and so far he's made nothing from this venture...

In Closing
Kenny is totally on the take...



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