You were wrong Mr. Smith...boys do cry

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Filed Under: ,


yeah I'm re-using a pic but it works so well
Here's a little story that has laughter, a hell of a lot of tears and a happy ending. It's basically like Shrek and should therefore be picked up by Pixar. If you are from there please contact me so we can work together.

The story is about how we got putting Miloh to sleep.

It starts with with an earlier post called Sweet Child O Mine. A post that talks about how I started going insane while trying to put him to sleep when he was a month old.

Once we got over that hump it was smooth sailing. With the help of a twitter mom (thanks Mae) we came up with a great routine of bath, bottle then sleep, while we switched who put him to sleep every other night.

Then something would happen...we'd bath him, give him the bottle, comfort him until a bit sleepy and then put him in his bed. The second the he hit the mattress he would start wailing...it wasn't fun...not at all.

Staci and I had theories...mine was teething while Staci thought some sickness because his temp was a bit high.

He took a trip to the doctor...Staci brought him because he isn't able to drive yet. The doctor said he was in good health and that while he was about to start cutting a tooth it probably wasn't something he was feeling yet.

She did say that if we wanted to try Cry it Out we could...she had done it with both her kids and it worked quite well. I should mention that Staci had read a lot on sleep training. When Miloh got all fussy we started to try extinction (which just doesn't sound too good.)

The doc said that if we wanted to do Cry it Out it was good we brought him in because we knew he was healthy so we would know he wasn't crying because of a fever etc.

Staci called me and said she wanted to try it...then I told a co-worker who said when she did it she was actually out of town while her husband did it...so she didn't have to worry.

So when I got home I told Staci and she actually said the doc suggested she leave the house...basically what I get out of those suggestions is that basically people think men are callus assholes who don't care if their kids wail for an hour or more. I bet some of these a-hole dads would even make up songs about their kid crying.

Well that night came. I went through our routine and while getting him ready for his bath I sang to him to comfort him. I sang 'Who's gonna cry it out, tonight' in the tune of The Cars' Drive. He seemed to enjoy it quite a bit. After bath and bottle Staci left for Walgreens to pick up some things.

Then I sang him another song to the tune of 'If I only had a Brain.' I had to make up all but the chorus because I forget the words. Once he was sleepy I put him down and left the room...the wailing began...so did the texting.

Staci texted me to ask what was going on...my answer was Miloh was crying. I also asked her to pick me up some Lemonheads and if they were doing the 3 for $3 sale some Mike and Ike's and Jujyfruits also...they were not having the sale.

Then I hopped on Twitter where I got a lot of support from folks...it's also where I may have mentioned that he looked straight into the video monitor and made the slit my throat motion with his hand...that was a lie and I apologize to those I mislead.

More texts came from Staci...the answer was still he was crying...I might have also said he was knitting...that was a lie and I apologize to Staci for misleading her.

After 50 minutes he was asleep...I told Staci and she came home.

It was a tough 50 minutes...but I really felt it was going to be good for him so I turned up the TV and rode it out.

The next night we did a similar routine...this time he was asleep in 13 minutes.

On the third night I was out so Staci put him to sleep...he slept in 10 minutes.

And on the fourth night he went right to sleep.

A lot of people might think it is cruel to do Cry it Out...but for every reason they think it's screwing up Miloh I can probably find a reason their method of sleep is screwing up their kid. I think most sleep methods are valid and have an equal opportunity to screw up a baby as it does to make it thrive...it's whole parenting and figuring what works for you and your child that matters

I've already had folks ask, in a nice way, if I thought that Miloh felt we abandoned him. I don't believe he does, because we haven't. When he wakes in the middle of the night for a bottle we are up and he gets what he needs. In fact I stubbed my toes almost every night for a week running to get him a bottle (there was a swing in the way and I was too sleepy to move it.) I think he knows the difference because he's not in the same frame of mind when he's sleep as when he needs a bottle, changed diaper or to just play. And he's one happy kid.

It pretty much worked well for us...there was a little set back when we took him out of his sleep sack and put him in footy pajamas. We did this because he was pulling the bottom of the sack over his head in an effort to get his foot in his mouth. Now he sleeps better knowing he can get it in his mouth...but he was a little off his game getting used to his new freedom.

Moral of the story is do what you think works best for you as far as sleep. And if you try Cry it Out go to your doctor first to make sure your baby is healthy before doing it...and after the days of crying it out you can Enjoy the Silence.

P.S. two allusions to 80s songs...not too bad.



31 comments:

  1. What are the odds that Walgreens was not having that sale that week? Not good. Glad it went well for you guys. Sounds like he was pretty textbook about it all.

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  2. The Walgreen's situation was upsetting...but Staci did get me a larger bag of Lemonheads (made near you) so that made up for the lack of variety.

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  3. CIO totally 100% worked for us.

    I'm glad you guys had success too :)

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  4. We did extinction with my first kiddo when she was six months. Then we moved and it all fell apart. Then she stayed with my mom for a week when she was 18 months and that worked. Then she crawled out of her crib. Then we moved, again. Then I had her baby sister. Now at 22 months, she is sleeping with daddy while I sleep in the other room with the baby (who is in her bed) and she cries. And, believe it or not, we are about to move. Again. But this time we will stay. And she will be sleep trained. As will her sister. Glad to hear it went well for you. I wish someone had mentioned having a sleep game plan before I had my first child.

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  5. "but for every reason they think it's screwing up Miloh I can probably find a reason their method of sleep is screwing up their kid"

    This is how I feel pretty much anytime I read some bs where people are judging each others' parenting on-line. It is so annoying to me that everyone has to justify doing what they honestly feel is best for their child lest someone show up to try to shame them. Especially because everyone has anecdotes and even scientific studies they pull out to support whatever they think is right. (And of course there are just as many out there contradicting their beliefs.) I just don't understand why some people get so pissed off that someone else makes a different decision than they did.

    Every kid is different and responds to different things in different ways. It drives me crazy when some jerk acts like there is one correct magical way to parent.

    Sorry for the rant- look what you started! I just hate that every parent blogger has to do an aside at some point defending their decision. There's nothing wrong with explaining why you came to a decision, but it's irritating that it's pretty much mandatory if you don't want to hear a bunch of people tell you why your horrible. And you usually still have to hear it even with the justification.

    And there I go again. Sorry! Um, your kid is cute. Glad to hear he's sleeping well.

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  6. Good on ya... we tried to do CIO and yeah, not so much... I could only handle about 15 minutes before the screaming gave me a panic attack. So we're back to Ruby falling asleep in our arms. Hey - it works... she stays asleep. Now if she could just stop with the late afternoon naps and go to bed at a normal kid hour instead of 9 pm, that'd be great...

    Our mantra du jour is "It's just a phase, it's just a phase..."

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  7. Nice.

    Although, I am a little green with envy. Cry it out worked like a charm for our first; for our second...not so much.

    Wish I would have thought to have my husband do the sleep training. But he probably would have tried to put the baby to sleep with Guns n Roses "Don't Cry". Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

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  8. i laughed through this whole post.

    because of your jokes, not because of letting miloh CIO. we did something kind of similar (no particular method, but judging her cries and what they meant) and since 4 months Harper has slept from 8pm to 8am. we lay her down wide awake and she puts herself to sleep. it's literally the best thing ever. #literally

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  9. So glad it worked for you :) We trained ours when he was 6 months and since then we all sleep 7-8 hours straight at night. Even when our baby is sick, he can sleep through the night. It's so nice to be able to just put the baby down when it's nap time or for the night and just walk away. Now, go enjoy your sleep!

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  10. Well done mate...we did Crying Out with our son (4 and a half month now) and he has been brilliant. I cried the first time we did it and it was quite hard on us (as I'm sure it was hard on Alex). As a result though, he is an awesome sleeper.

    Love your posts, keep it up...

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  11. ooh i love lemonheads.
    Cry it out saved our lives. Glad it worked for you too.

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  12. So glad that CIO worked for you. I sort of of did it when my husband was tied up for a few nights in a row. He can't stomach his little girl crying. I can. If it means she learns to put herself to sleep.

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  13. SO glad it worked for your family, because that's what it's about, IMO. It's not just about the kid learning to sleep a certain way, it's about the entire family getting the rest that they need so that everyone can be happy and healthy and function.

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  14. I'm glad you all found a successful solution.

    Different methods are going to work for different families, and I find it hilarious that parents can't realize this and point their judge-y fingers at people who differ from them. All kids are different. All parents are different. There is nothing that is going to work across the board. It's statistically impossible.

    Miloh is adorable. I'm glad he's sleeping well for you guys :)

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  15. good for you!! You will be SO glad you did this!! We did the cry-it-out method for your first and she slept through the night after just a couple nights. My second did this exact thing - as soon as her head hit the matress she'd scream and I spent hours and hours and hours trying to get my baby to sleep. Some nights I'd have to let her scream in her bed while I went to my room to cry too. That child would scream for HOURS and HOURS!
    Sometimes crying it out works, sometimes it doesn't.

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  16. I was really reluctant to do CIO with Rory because of all the people out there who say it will screw her up for life. But by the time she was 7 months old I was losing my mind with the way things were going (having to nurse/rock her for HOURS only to have her wake up as soon as I put her in bed) so I decided to do CIO. Things are now SO MUCH BETTER - I have my evenings back and she sleeps and naps great most of the time. It's so hard to make parenting decisions when you're worried about how each little thing will screw them up later on in life. I finally decided that while my mom used CIO on me, I am still a functional human and my kid will be ok.

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  17. Glad to hear CIO worked out for you. We did it with all four of our kids and it worked.

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  18. that's cool that it worked for you... i guess since my wife is always home is why we've NEVER stuck to it.. you would think we just wouldn't care after five kids if they cried or not..

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  19. My son is screaming as we speak. I mean, SCREAMING. That kid's got lungs.

    It really bothers me but I know it's working towards a routine so I have to refrain from going in to comfort him. It's tough!

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  20. Ben, one thing that I've heard works for the screaming is whiskey. I think back in the day they used to give it to the child...now that is frowned upon...so maybe have enough for yourself so you don't care about it anymore. You can also sub other liquor, I would because I don't like whiskey.

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  21. Thankfully we didn't have to CIO with my daughter, but I try to keep an open mind for people who choose this method because who knows, it might be the only thing that works for my next child! Every child is different and will respond to different sleep methods. I'm glad you advocate a visit to the doctor first to make sure the child is healthy.

    Mostly I just had to comment because I love the Cure/DM song references :-).

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  22. everyone is probably going to hate my comment here, but we did cry it out super early with our little boy. What we discovered is that our attempts to snuggle him and make him feel better to go to sleep were actually pissing him off. When he was 2 weeks old my husband convinced me to just give him 10 minutes to see what happened. What happened is that kid fell asleep in 5. He's been sleeping from 7pm - around 8am since he was 4 weeks old. He's 14 months now and really enjoys his own room and his bedtime. Whenever I put him in his crib, he looks at me, waves and says bye bye and lays down. So, yes we are firm believers in cry it out and don't think we have any abondonment issues from our son. I, however, sometimes would prefer to be a bit more needed. :)

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  23. Update: ever since I posted this Miloh has been crazy fussy. He must have read this and wants to piss us off.

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  24. just found your blog, thus the question to the old post.

    um, what happens when they go to sleep okay, but wake up an hour later. and then an hour after that. and an hour after that?

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  25. MLS, that's a tough one. We found that Miloh will put himself to sleep after about 5 minutes if he wakes and cries...if he cries more there is usually something wrong...which now would be teething.

    But we're lucky with the floor bed thing...when he does cry a lot from teething we'll give him that homeopathic gel stuff and then lie on the ground rubbing his back or head until he calms.

    Sorry if that's no help.

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  26. whoa...I spend way too much time on Facebook. After I read this post, I wanted to scroll up and hit the "Like" button...

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  27. whoa...I spend way too much time on Facebook. After I read this post, I wanted to scroll up and hit the "Like" button...

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  28. My son is screaming as we speak. I mean, SCREAMING. That kid's got lungs.

    It really bothers me but I know it's working towards a routine so I have to refrain from going in to comfort him. It's tough!

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  29. So glad that CIO worked for you. I sort of of did it when my husband was tied up for a few nights in a row. He can't stomach his little girl crying. I can. If it means she learns to put herself to sleep.

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  30. ooh i love lemonheads.
    Cry it out saved our lives. Glad it worked for you too.

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  31. MLS, that's a tough one. We found that Miloh will put himself to sleep after about 5 minutes if he wakes and cries...if he cries more there is usually something wrong...which now would be teething.

    But we're lucky with the floor bed thing...when he does cry a lot from teething we'll give him that homeopathic gel stuff and then lie on the ground rubbing his back or head until he calms.

    Sorry if that's no help.

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