Skip to main content

I have that Larry David disease.

I'm not sure what it's called but I have that Larry David disease. Or is it a disorder?

I have a knack for making situations uncomfortable with the sole purpose to humor me. I often can't turn it off but that's a given since it's a disease... Or disorder.

There are times at parties where Staci's sole job is to apologize to pre-warn people that I'm sarcastic, have no filter and bored. The ones she doesn't get to on time get an apology from her later.

I hate small talk. It's boring. So I push things to the edge of awkward... But the scientist in me thinks that I can't know where the edge of awkward is until I cross the line. Then I can say I was right.

Side note: It's like the time I was at Bingo and I was squeezing the dabber so hard that I knew if I squeezed anymore it would burst. There was only one way to find out if I was right. A tiny little squeeze. Let me tell you that that dabber ink can fly. I'd feel bad for getting it all over the coat of the woman near me but it was fur. I left without her noticing... So if she's reading this, 17 years after the fact, I'm sorry.

Awhile ago I thought of getting releases made up, like a model release, and have folks I talk to sign them. Actually I think this is a fantastically hilarious idea because it would freak people out. And so I'm now that I remember the idea I'm kind of compelled to have them made... They'd also include a goodbye because in party type situations I rarely say goodbye.

But what's the point you ask? Here's how the disease and/or disorder has been manifesting itself lately.

When I'm out with Miloh people always say he's cute. Because he is.

But when someone says "hi cutie" to him I reply "Hey there" in a way that makes them think that I  thought they were talking to me. Because I think it's funny. They think I think they were flirting... But I don't, especially when they bend down to see him. It's more funny when they say to Miloh "Aren't you a cutie" and I answer " Why yes I am." Once I even said " Oh, you mean him."

It kind of freaks people out. Especially when Staci and I are out shopping and the salesperson thinks I'm hitting on them . But really it's the stores fault. Put a Wii in your store and I won't be bored off my ass just looking for a way to entertain myself... And it's entertaining to me to fuck with people.

Moral of the story: If you're a salesperson and someone, who looks like me, does this please get me your discount. Thanks

Comments

  1. i think this is pretty much a guy thing... at least some guys. or the guys i know. my husband embarrasses me on a daily basis.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm not sure why you are calling this a condition. It seems to me all your responses were appropriate if not accurate.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Giveaway Gear Thursday: Paper Culture ($25 coupon code)

Gear Thursday is back this week with a giveaway from a great company called Paper Culture and I'm giving away $25 coupon codes to two different winners. I found Paper Culture on my search for some really well designed birth announcements. Being a designer I probably should have designed them myself but the chaos of a new baby made that impossible. When I saw their announcements I was psyched...we ordered the one below. We were super happy we went with them over some of the other places we've found. A few reasons for that...their designs are great and pretty much the style I would have designed, they are printed on really nice stock (a matte 130lb thick paper), the cards have rounded corners which makes them look nicer and real people lay out your cards. That last one was kind of important to me. You plug in your info and a designer lays it out and sends you a proof in a couple days. You can OK it, make a change or decide not to go with it...there is no obligation. Everyon

My hundredth post: seriously a clips post?

In my last post I mentioned I was working on getting some celebs for this post. I was in talks with the quarterback of the Saints whatever his name is...I'm sure I could look it up. I was also trying to get Conan...those talks were going really well but then NBC squashed it. There were more but the moral is it's just me. So I thought I'd do a clips post to show my journey from dude who was scared of kids to dad. If you're new to my blog this will be a CliffsNotes version of what you missed. If you've been checking it out for awhile think of this as a best of. And since a blog can't work like a TV show if you want to get the full clip show experience you'll have to click through to the posts...but this will give you the gist. In the beginning...Staci and I wanted to have a child but we both had totally different experience with kids. Kids have always been magically attracted to her...which is probably why she is so great at her career as a Montessori teac

Response to a comment about breastfeeding

Since I'm a dude and unable to produce milk from I never thought I woul have to defend the reason we formula feed instead of breast feed. But I received a comment on a recent post so I thought I would talk about it here. I'll get to the why we don't later but I'll start off on a tangent. First off I don't want to alienate the person who asked the comment because they say they are a reader and I'm cool with anyone stopping by. But I can't call the person out anyway because the comment was anonymous...and here is where I go into a little bit of a rant, and if you follow me on twitter you know I'm a fan of the rant. I'm assuming the comment was anonymous on purpose. Perhaps the person is a friend or someone I follow on twitter. Maybe they didn't want to ruin that relationship by coming out and saying it. I'm  a big boy and can handle criticism. Anonymous comments are never things like "Where did you get that cool toy?" they ar