By kenny friedman on Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Filed Under: girls girls girls
Today's post was written by Mandy over at Harper's Happenings. Mandy is like the little sister I never wanted (just remember I said it first.) I wasn't even going to let her be a part of this but I get a number of emails from her each day begging me to guest post.
- she has worked at a coffee house and at Target (as have i both except I never had to wear red and khaki)
- she eats a hell of a lot of Pho
- when she grows up she wants to own a Narwhal farm
- even though she loves Narwhals there is a rumor that she kills cute little seals for fun
- she doesn't know where the shift key is
there are numerous reasons i shouldn't be here. i try to stick to guest blogging for people who are not crazy, but i guess this can be my good deed for the year. because you guys? kenny is nuts (and not very nice). no person in their right mind would HATE CHEESE, right? i know. i thought so, too. but the thing is, kenny must be at least somewhat in his right mind because he likes me (although this is something he won't admit easily). it pains me to admit that that fact alone could blow my whole theory on him being crazy and mean - obviously knowing a good thing when you see it is a sign of genius. moving on.
i don't remember the first time i heard kenny was a cheese hater. but i do remember i was APPALLED. cheese is glorious. cheese, like bacon, makes everything better. you guys, it melts. it makes things gooey. how could someone even remotely dislike cheese, let alone HATE it? (minus blue cheese - that's just nasty). and he's a vegetarian! striking cheese from the menu is like cutting out a huge portion of shit you can actually eat. is this guy out of his pf flyer loving mind? (spoiler alert: yes).
then there was the time he emailed me saying someone hacked my site. anyone with a blog or website knows this is heart attack inducing. he emailed me a screen shot of my blog from his computer and the name of it? NOT EVEN APPROPRIATE to type here you guys. it sounded a lot like some shots dot com and i was freaking out. turns out it was just his computer or network or something, but it was then i knew he was out to get me. (he even apologized profusely for good measure - uh huh, sure). since then he has started to spread rumors about me via social media. he tells people i club baby seals and uses un-follow friday to tell people to unfollow and block me. just to piss me off, he won't comment on my blog, but later tweets me that he enjoyed my post. he is like the brother i never asked for or wanted.
then? he posts all these cute videos and photos and stories of Miloh that make my ovaries twitch and make me consider eating a baby (his) (sorry staci, i wouldn't really eat your baby). i also think it's incredibly rude to post weekly and monthly kick ass numbers posts that make the rest of us (namely me) look like terrible parents that don't keep track of anything our kids do. then the time i let (and by let i mean asked) him to guest blog for me, he told me no girls were allowed on his blog, so he wouldn't be needing a reciprocal guest blog in return. instead he wanted my husband to write one for him, which he never did because i told him kenny was really mean so he shouldn't (except really, my husband just forgot after me asking him over 1000 times to do it).
it should be said that his idea for my blog post was to write about how hot he is. as you can see, i took it in an entirely different direction. because one time he told me i was ugly (that never happened. but it should have. it would really help my case right about now).
see how terrible he is? if i were you, i'd stop reading his blog immediately after this super awesome girls week is over. even if he is the original male mommy blogger. no one needs this kind of meanie in their life. now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to unfollow and block him, and i suggest you do the same.
do it for the cheese, people.