99 problems but...

By kenny friedman on Wednesday, August 31, 2011

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For the last couple years on my birthday I did a list of things that inspired me. List from two years ago. Last year's list.

I decided to stop that this year because, well I forget exactly why, but one reason is that a bit ago I ran across a fantastic post on @Lins610's blog (down right now) that was a guest post by her husband @japster24. It was a list of his 99 problems...

And since I'm pro-plagiarism I thought I'd steal his post and do a list of my 99.

I have to say when I read his list a lot were true for me so I just copy and pasted his words in hopes that would somehow save the environment. Those ones are bolded.

1. I still haven't sent out my Bar Mitzvah thank you cards... But I believe the statute of limitations is 25 years so we're all good.

2. I'm not a fan of most forms of conversation that aren't face to face. Some of my least fave include; phone calls, emails, snail mail and texting. Skype is ok but it's a pain in the butt and all callas begin with "Do you see me? I don't see you."

3. Texting is for short things to say like "On my way home," "Can you pick up dog food" or "I think I left Miloh at home alone, can you check?"


4. i swear too much in my posts (here’s how i see it, it’s just a word made by a man to have a meaning. if the definition of shit was a green tree, then it would be socially acceptable to say hey look at that nice shit, isn’t it beautiful. how is saying crap or shoot or any other alternative word any better? if i’m thinking it, i’ve already committed the sin and i’d be lying if i said something that i wasn’t thinking…so instead of making it worse…i say what comes to my mind…this also gets me in a lot of trouble sometimes) i have said pretty much the same thing verbatim.

5. I don't want a 3D TV. They are stupid. And according to Werner Herzog (and this makes sense to me) we only see 3D when we need to. Most of the time our world is in 2D. So 3D TV actually would put an odd strain on your eyes and brain.

6. i love a good argument (some of my best analogies come to me when i’m really into it)


7. I love snowboarding but haven't snowboarded in at least 2 years.

8. making the bed every day doesn’t make sense to me…we’re just going to mess it up again in 16 hours and no one is coming into our room


9. sometimes i wish i was stupid so i didn’t think so much


10. i feel almost happy when i think about someone “bad” dying that I think deserved it


11. i can disconnect extremely easily from all emotions and move on

12. I hate cheese with a passion and know when it's hidden in my food.

13. i’m addicted to technology…but also don’t want to buy another thing…


14. My knowledge of TV commercials from the late 70s and 80s is pretty damn good.

15. i like to enjoy silence in extremely long doses (weeks without interaction doesn’t bother me one bit)


16. I have really bad foot arches which causes a lot of pain. It's because of a vestigial bone. I often check Miloh to feel the bone because I hope he doesn't have it. I don't think he does. Also I think it means I have 208 bones.

17. my attitude is 50% relaxed, 40% don’t care, 5% don’t bother me, 5% annoyed at all times

18. Since I don't eat eggs and I'm a vegetarian I hate breakfast places. I can basically only eat a bunch of carbs so I get super full, super sleepy then super crabby.

19. I'm vegetarian but don't eat enough fruits and veggies.

20. getting up early makes me grumpy all day


21. i’m selfishly immune to “dangerous” activities


22. i have no patience lately


23. i don’t like to repeat myself


24. i zone out when listening to someone else talk…it’s not my forte’

25. I forget people's names the second I hear them

26. I love cold weather. I love being cold. You can always add clothes if you're cold, can't walk around naked if it's hot.

27. I have too many ideas for photo projects and not enough time.

28. I have too many ideas for infographics and not enough time.

29. i try not to judge anyone…but i still do 

30. I have that Larry David disease and think it's fun to get in awkward situations.

31. I never thought I'd give in to Miloh as much as I do but he's so cute.

32. I'm blown away at how much Miloh looks like Staci and acts like me.

33. I love that digital cameras have allowed so many people to get into photography.

34. I hate that any idiot with a nice camera thinks they are a professional photographer.

35. Portrait and wedding photography is not an investment... Investments can go up in value... Don't charge me a lot for photos and fool me that it's an investment.

36. I love old painted signs and miss Chicago because they had so many great ones.

37. all babies screaming (even Miloh’s) drives me i-n-s-a-n-e

38. I love creating things with my hands but it's not my forte.

39. i don’t like the light to be turned on in the bathroom at night…it bothers me b/c i’m getting ready for bed and don’t want a bright light in my eyes 

40. I wish I bought the Sally Mann print of "Three Wolves" back in 1996. I didn't have enough cash then it was super expensive. But it of course has gone up in value.

41. dr’s annoy me…if you weren’t sick when you went in being around all the sick people will probably make you sick. plus most of the time, all they do is give you a prescription to something that will probably go away in a few days.


42. I've been watching Cheers a lot on Netflix lately. It's one of the best opening credits and the show is still kinda good. But the credits make it.

43. i honk my horn for obnoxiously long periods of time. i also swerve and honk at people who are texting when i’m driving alone secretly hoping they will crash…not get hurt…just enough to wreck their car so they don’t hurt/kill anyone in the future


44. rap is really getting on my nerves…any moron can talk over a beat. underground bands is where it’s at lately (I love old school rap)

43. I think all art museums for free. I realize they have to get tax money for this and I'm totally down with that.

45. i like to live in different places…apparently it’s a bad thing for your credit score

46. I love espresso but kind of hate drip coffee... I used to like french press but not so much lately.

47. For some reason I like Keurig coffee but I think that's because it is brewed quickly like espresso and not slow like drip. I realize it's not like espresso in that there is no tamping or bar pressure.

48. I can't wait until Miloh can ride a bike.

50. i don’t understand people who say they would be bored if they didn’t have a job…that’s just stupid (you can find something to do.)

51. i’d travel to a different location every day if i could


52. I think if I had a different kid I wouldn't like it as much as I like Miloh. He's the perfect kid for me.

53. If I could eat one food and survive it would be hand cut french fries cooked in peanut oil with kosher salt.

54. I can watch quirky documentaries any day.

55. I have a ton of books I want to read but I can't find the time and/or attention to sit and read.

56. I kind of want a black and white nook. I love the screen. I hesitate to buy it because of 55.

57. I don't get iPads. They are too big to be as portable as I'd like, and too small and underpowered to do what I'd really want to do on a tablet... Which is work. If they cost $200 I'd maybe buy one... But probably not.

58. I can't ride a skateboard.

59. I can't rollerskate.

60. When I am at an ice rink I have a hard time because I'm really good at cross over turns going clockwise but not so much going counterclockwise.

61. I'm slowly falling apart. I fear my knees will go the first year I get some good days of snowboarding in.

62. I but a lot of art print posters but don't have enough space to put them up. This makes me sad but I still buy because someday I'll have more space.


63. obvious jokes aren’t funny


64. If you're driving the speed limit you're driving 5 miles per hour too slow.

65. Sometimes when I see people gabbing on the phone while they drive hope they drive into a pole on the side of the rode and total their car but hurt no one.

66. I think everyone (who's physically able) should have to take the basic motorcycle safety course before they get their driver's license.

67. I can't wait until I'm in AARP because I will rally to get mandatory retesting for driver licenses once you reach a certain age, probably 60, and then every 4 years after. I think the person that proposes it has to be in AARP so they don't seem agist... But it's ridiculous when super old folks drive and cause accidents because they are out of it.

68. Express lanes should not just be about the amount of items... It should be about being ready to pay and leave quickly too. I hate being behind a slowpoke with five items when the regular next to me flies by.

69. my favorite movie is played backwards (momento) (not my fave but I do love it)

70. I think I own more shoes than my wife.

71. I don't own enough socks.

72. miloh, the dogs and i all have the same gas problem

73. Puma used to have this awesome piece of luggage in their 96 hour collection. It was enough clothes for 96 hours. The color palette was all black, white and grey and very plain. I sometimes want to dress like that.

74. I miss unpasteurized apple cider. Pasteurization did take some flavor away... Or maybe the quality of apples suck now.

75. cell phones ringers annoy me (cell phones shouldn’t have audible ringers…only vibrate on different levels)

76. I used to love them but now find The Simpsons to be incredibly boring.

77. I watch too much crappy TV.

78. Sometimes I wish I ate cheese because the concept of getting a slice of pizza in NYC and folding it up to eat it seems great... But it's not worth eating that horrible goo.

79. I don't cook hashbrowns that are good enough for my high standards of hashed browns... Actually my mom used to make the best.

80. I wish I was a better friend but I don't know how to be.

81. I have one close guy friend in real life... But I recently met some other guys who are good people so you never know.

82. I blame my father for my lack of guy friends... Because he's an ass I don't really like guys.

83. i think respect is more important than love


84. i don’t kiss my wife as much as i should (she does a lot for us)…


85. the thought of eating breakfast right after waking up makes me feel sick


86. I took an art class about a month ago and need to do this more regularly.

87. I love video games but rarely play them... I don't think that's a bad thing.

88. if someone hurt my family, i would make it my mission to torture them every day..but not let them die (yeah it’s wrong, but it’s how i feel)

89. I have trouble sleeping but it's better than when I was in college.

90. don’t interrupt me while i’m speaking…but i do it other people quite often (mostly to save them from re-explaining something i already understand) 


91. i start lots of projects and don’t follow through with them. my favorite part is the hardest part of setting it up…then i get bored with it



95. i’m very touch oriented…(lingerie doesn’t make sense…you’re paying more money, for less clothing…which is going to be removed anyway? who’s buying into this?)

96. I wish I was eating a falafel sandwich right now.


97. i screen all my calls…and don’t answer blocked calls. that’s like someone’s knocking on your door and you look out the peep hole to see a person dressed in a trench coat and their face covered)


98. i like reading womens baby blogs (it’s entertaining, free, and i can relate to it on some level)


99. My wife thinks I'm kidding when I say that one day I might randomly come home with a Space Shuttle pinball machine.. Or maybe some different kind. We have no room for it except the basement stairs.

Despite all my issues, I’m probably the most laid back person you’ll ever meet.




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